


The Green Door Sessions

by SeegerBean



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Azura is Blue Diamond's Pearl, Bronagh is Blue Diamond, Coming Out, Depression, F/F, Family Issues, Gen, Hozier References, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Once, Lapis is Lapis, Mild Language, Musicians, Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Playlist, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Small Towns, Song Lyrics, Texas, Yvonne is Yellow Diamond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22758124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeegerBean/pseuds/SeegerBean
Summary: Lapis is a struggling musician who wants nothing more than to leave her small town and make something of herself. When the opportunity falls into her lap in the form of Peridot, Lapis is forced to consider what this will actually mean for her.
Relationships: Blue Diamond & Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond's Pearl & Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Jasper & Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

Lapis was glad she had lived in Texas her whole life; otherwise, she would have surely died of heat stroke by now. There was a water bottle at her feet, but it had grown progressively warmer over the last few hours. She knew that if she took a sip of it now, it would just taste like hot plastic. She sighed internally as yet another group of wine moms passed by without throwing a second glance in her direction, much less a dollar into her guitar case. Her face, however, was painted with a friendly smile as she played Coldplay’s “Yellow” for what was probably the billionth time in her life. 

_ I swam across _

_ I jumped across for you _

_ Oh what a thing to do _

Her voice was airy without being breathy, simple but not unpolished. Every now and then, people would stand and listen, the more generous throwing a few dollars into her case. For the most part, though, people simply sped by without pausing, too focused on their own lives to consider the existence of anyone else’s. 

_ And you know _

_ For you I’d bleed myself dry _

_ For you I’d bleed myself dry _

The tree overhead provided the barest of shade, and Lapis couldn’t help but return to how stupidly hot it was, even in her halter top. She was honestly glad she had trimmed her hair short last week, the navy strands now barely reaching past her chin. She finished the song and, after a pause for water (which did taste like plastic,  _ uck _ ), she launched into Bon Iver’s “Flume”.

If she was being honest with herself, one of the reasons she wasn’t pulling as much money as she could have was because of her musical choices. She knew she’d have better luck playing the more popular stuff that everyone knew, the Ed Sheeran songs you heard five times a day on the radio. It wasn’t even that she didn’t like them, but she just never enjoyed playing those songs as much. She loved “Take Me to Church” as much as anyone else, but “In A Week” was so eerie and fun. She paused her internal monologue with a small groan. God, Azura was right, she  _ was _ a pretentious hipster.

By late afternoon, it had cooled down to the low 90s, practically chilly compared to the noon sun. Under her tree, it was even cooler, and a breeze had picked up. The crowd had definitely thinned out, and Lapis decided to play some original music. It wasn’t like anyone was actually listening to her. She tuned her guitar down and began to strum much more slowly than she had for anything else she had played that day. She sang in a low voice, any airiness now completely gone.

_ Maybe it’s the way she wrinkles her nose _

_ Or maybe the grin when she’s touching her toes _

_ To show off _

_ For me, for me, for me _

Lapis stared down at her fingers as she played, her mouth barely moving. She was playing for herself now and didn’t care about performing.

So, when someone clapped after she finished, she couldn’t help but jump a little.

Lapis looked up to see a woman about her age, applauding and grinning. She had messy blonde hair that stuck out wildly in every direction, only held back from her eyes by a comically large pair of thick glasses. If her hair wasn’t so wild, she would have appeared even shorter than she already did. Lapis couldn’t help but stare at the bandages covering her fingers. Had she tried to thumb wrestle Freddy Krueger? Her outfit was equally chaotic, several different shades of lime-green thrown together in an assortment that could be described generously as careless.

“Ahh! That was so good! Did you write that yourself?”

Lapis had to remind herself to speak actual words. “Yeah, a few months ago. Still working out the kinks.”

“What kinks? It was so pretty!” Lapis smiled a bit at the praise but said nothing else, tuning her guitar back up. “How come I haven’t seen you out here before?”

“I dunno, I’ve been playing at this spot for a few weeks now.” Every day, like clockwork. Otherwise, she’d be at her mom’s coffee shop, and that would suck immensely.

“Well, I hope to see you again soon, you did really well.” She smiled earnestly at Lapis, whose own small smile broadened to match hers. The woman started to walk away, but turned back at the last moment, carefully placing a twenty into the guitar case. 

“What's your name, by the way?”

“Lapis.”

“Neat! I’m Peridot!” With no “good-bye”, she immediately set off, her face still plastered with a dorky grin. Lapis rolled her eyes without malice and started to pack her guitar away. She looked at her phone and stifled an angry noise when she remembered that she had promised her mom that she’d work in the coffee shop tomorrow. At least her sister was working as well; the load would be lightened and she was fun to work next to. She hoisted her guitar onto her back and began the short trek home. Perhaps the one nice thing about living in a small town was that she could get from anywhere to anywhere in a matter of minutes.

She passed by what had been a bookstore when she was a child, now converted to yet another tacky boutique, and had to resist the urge to throw a rock through the window. The bookstore had never had the greatest selection, but it was cozy in a world of fewer and fewer cozy spaces. Maybe she’d write a song about it later. An angry punk piece entitled “Fuck Your Overpriced Purse, Karen”. Lapis giggled at the thought as she turned into the street where she lived.

Her house was tiny by most definitions, even with only three people living in it. Her mom was already asleep (shocked she was, truly shocked), but her sister sat on the couch, watching an overly spirited infomercial with a beer in her hand.

“Careful, Azura, that stuff will rot your mind.” Lapis set down the guitar and hopped over the back of the couch, landing roughly by her unflappable sister.

“The beer or the TV?”

“Yes. Speaking of, is that the last one?”

Azura grabbed a hitherto unseen beer from under a pile of clothes, passing it to her sister. “No, but this one is.”

“Best sister ever.” Lapis twisted off the cap, clinking the neck against her sister’s drink before taking a large swig. “So, what are they hawking tonight?”

“This guy can give you a six-pack in ten days, apparently.”

“No shit?”

“None at all.” Azura’s eyes were all but hidden under her bangs, powder blue in comparison to Lapis’ dark navy hair, but her older sister knew she was rolling them.

“And I’m sure he’s generous enough to share this knowledge for only half your paycheck.” Lapis snorted and took another swig of beer.

Azura smiled but was otherwise unresponsive. “So, how was today’s haul?”

“Haven’t counted yet. This girl gave me a twenty at the end of the day, so that was nice. Other than that, the usual crowd. Parents dragging their kids away, some dudebros making  _ very _ sure I saw that they were giving me money.”

Her sister did laugh at that. “Did you tell them they were barking up the gay tree?”

“Why would I do that to myself in Nowhere, Texas?”

Azura’s smile faded a little. “Good point, but we’re hardly nowhere.”

Lapis rolled her eyes, taking large gulps of her drink. “Says you. You’re off at UT half the time anyways. If I weren’t out playing I’d be stuck in the coffee shop all day, and I’d really have nothing to look forward to in the morning.”

Her sister said nothing, only sipping at her beer. The two sat, watching the men on TV talk about how all you needed in this world was a solid six-pack. 

The next morning came far too early for Lapis, as did every morning. Her eyes fluttered open as an alarm from her phone shoved a needle into her eardrums, and her sister stood over her bed with an amused look on her face.

“Ah, the Sleeping Beauty doth awaken.” Lapis said nothing, merely flinging a pillow in her sister’s direction. “So violent. Mom’s already been at the shop for an hour setting up.” With that, Azura left the bedroom, leaving the light on and the door wide open.

Lapis groaned but managed to pull herself into a sitting position, only staying upright through sheer force of will. She shared her bedroom with her sister, a fact that ranged from benign truth to horrible punishment, depending on how they were feeling that day. Anyone who walked in could see the sharp divide between the two personalities: Azura’s half was fairly tidy, with a few artsy posters and a small library that she was quite proud of. Lapis’ side was chaotic, with shirts all over the floor and an unmade bed piled with even more clothes. A tower of CDs at the foot of her bed threatened to fall every time someone passed by it, and the only posters she had were a couple detailing different chords and scales, and one larger one depicting Hozier.

She staggered into the bathroom, splashing her face with water and brushing her teeth, running her fingers through her hair until it looked somewhat satisfactory. Sitting on the counter was a folded shirt, the newest design for her mom’s coffee shop. Thankfully, there were no puns this time, just the place’s name in a chic script:  _ Blue Diamond Coffee _ . Below was a simple drawing of a diamond. Lapis nodded in restrained approval and put on the shirt.

Outside, Azura was waiting in the car, a small silver sedan. It had been a gift from Aunt Yvonne one particularly generous Christmas, and Lapis and Azura had never fully figured out who it belonged to more. Lapis hopped in, immediately turning her attention to the radio. When she found a station she liked, only then did she bother with her seatbelt. Azura sighed but said nothing, backing slowly out of the driveway.

The coffee shop was a ten minutes’ drive outside of town, part of a random cluster of buildings seemingly dropped from the sky. Down the road a little was a tiny white-wall church; across the street was a community center that housed a Montessori kindergarten. Truly, it took all types to make a village.

Lapis made an unhappy noise as they pulled into the coffee shop’s parking lot, a force of habit on her part. Azura put the vehicle in park and looked over at her sister expectantly.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.” Azura didn’t even bother looking over as she made her response.

Lapis made an even more unpleasant noise, but trudged out of the vehicle, leading the way into the tiny, brightly-colored shop. Inside, rows of pastries sat freshly baked, and a large urn of coffee sat ready for the customers and themselves. Posters on the walls advertised various local charities and one band that was playing at the local bar that weekend. In the back room was a giant chalkboard for everyone to draw on, situated behind a deep wingback chair and a decorative birdcage. 

At that moment, Bronagh Lazuli stepped out, her apron covered in flour, her long white hair tied back delicately. She was tall and slender like her children, but her expression was considerably more gloomy. Her daughters, however, managed to bring a smile to her face.

“Right on time. Thank you for helping today. Especially you, Lapis.” Her brogue had softened after decades away from Ireland, but there was no mistaking its soft ringing for anything else. As she looked over Lapis, her smile faded in the slightest and she stepped back into the kitchen. 

Lapis grabbed a broom, grumbling, while Azura stationed herself behind the counter, patiently waiting for the morning rush of soccer moms.

“Seriously, Lapis, thank you.” 

Lapis simply waved a hand at her sister. “If I don’t do this at least once in a while, she’d never let me play. Where would I be then?”  _ In this godforsaken coffee shop dealing with godforsaken customers and my godforsaken mother _ . She stepped into the back room, letting out a squawk of frustration. “Can we please strangle these children?”

“Toy car in the birdcage?”

“Toy car in the friggin’ birdcage!” There was a small grunt as Lapis wrestled with the offending object. “Got it!”

Azura could hear their mother giggling in the kitchen at their commotion, which brought a small smile to her face. She didn’t understand Lapis’ irritation. Mom could be a little gloomy, sure, but no one could accuse either of the sisters of being the most cheerful either. Besides, they were paid decently and got to eat leftover pastries.

The ding of a bell pulled Azura from her thoughts, and Lapis quickly disappeared behind the counter and into the kitchen, snatching an apron. She stood quietly next to her mom, waiting for orders.

“So, dear,” Bronagh inquired gently, “how was yesterday’s pay?” Her words were innocent enough, but Lapis could feel a certain edge underlying them.

Her daughter stared straight ahead, shrugging. “Not too bad. Made a little over fifty. The heat kept everyone inside.”

The older woman pursed her lips and rubbed her necklace thoughtfully, but stayed silent. Lapis looked over at the necklace, the coffee shop’s namesake. It was the color of a stormy ocean and hung from a fine silver chain. It had been a gift from Bronagh’s younger sister decades ago, when her mother was still a young woman herself. Now, her aunt was as much a memory as those far away days, and Bronagh was as likely to be in those days as she was in the present.

Azura appeared with a ticket for a sandwich and a smoothie and disappeared back out front, ringing up the unseen customer. Lapis stared at the ticket with unhidden frustration, daring to steal a glance at her mother, who seemed present enough. Yesterday had been a good day playing; now Lapis Lazuli had to face the real world in all of its sucky splendor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

The day passed by rather quickly. Their mother was in one of her good moods and was able to help with everything. A few times she had even laughed and joked with Lapis. Out front, her sister chatted gently with the customers. Bronagh had tried to put Lapis behind the register a few times, but it generally ended with some offended customer, usually an older man who made the mistake of calling her “sweetie”. Still, their mother would make that mistake again and again, to Lapis’ perverse amusement and the other two’s quickly re-established frustration.

By mid-afternoon, the stream of customers had died out completely, and Lapis sat at a small table in the back room, counting the money as Azura took her turn with the decorative birdcage, now filled with crayons.

After they had finished the day, the three women stepped outside. Lapis went to leave with her sister, but was stopped by a thin hand on her shoulder.

“Azura, you go on ahead. I’ll drive Lapis home.”

Azura bowed slightly and hopped into her car, pulling away a little too fast for the rocky parking lot. Lapis turned to her mother, her hands clenched together furiously behind her back. The older woman didn’t seem to register her daughter’s discomfort, walking leisurely to her car. Her daughter ran her fingers through her hair and followed cautiously.

Once they were in the car, Bronagh made no motion to start the vehicle. Instead, she sat primly, staring ahead at the trees in front of them.

“Lapis, I’m going to make you a deal that you might hate.”

Her daughter blinked a few times. “Why bother, then?”

“I only said you might, dear. Today was the first day you worked here in almost a month, and it was lovely.” She turned to her daughter, a strange look on her face. If it was possible to look resigned and excited at the same time, she had managed it.

“I want you to work every day this week,” she began, holding up a hand when her daughter began to practically quiver with anger, “and in return, I won’t bother you to come in for the next month. You can play every day in the square if you want to.”

Whatever awful noise Lapis was going to make died in her throat, and she thought for a moment. “And I only have to work for a week?”

Her mother grinned wickedly. “You’re right, maybe I should make it two weeks.” She laughed as her daughter shot her a dirty look. “So, can I take your theatrics as a yes?”

Lapis nodded excitedly. “Yes, thank you!”

The older woman started the car, but still made no move to exit. “I’ll tack on a week if you play me one of your little songs.” She smiled over at Lapis benignly, who refused to look over. Her smile slipping, she put the car in reverse. “I thought not.”

By Thursday, Lapis had gotten into a bit of a groove at the coffee shop. Her sister and her would come in after their mom had set up, Lapis working the kitchen and Azura conversing pleasantly with whomever the wind had blown in that day. Bronagh would chit-chat idly with her daughter about the shop and other pleasantries, and would leave in the afternoon for her daughters to clean up. It was a pleasant week, which was somewhat unpleasant for Lapis.

Friday afternoon, after their mother had left, the sisters set to boxing up the pastries that hadn’t been sold the last two days, figuring out what to split between themselves and the fire station.

“Lapis, don’t be greedy.”

“All I’m saying is, I know for a fact that none of those guys will appreciate the chocolate chip scones as much as I do.”

“So take one or two, not twelve.”

“Azura! Appreciation!”

Her sister said nothing, boxing up the scones quickly except for the largest one. Lapis seized it, devouring it in three bites.

“By the way,” she managed to say in between bites, “is everything okay? You’ve been even quieter than usual, and that’s saying something.”

Azura chewed on her lip, clearly trying to figure out what words to use. “I was just thinking . . . Maybe you could keep working with us a bit longer?”

Lapis laughed, spraying crumbs. “Why? I worked for a week, now I get a month of gigging without being harassed. I did my part.”

“Have you not noticed how much happier Mom’s been this whole week? Not one bad day since Monday; don’t tell me it’s not connected.”

Lapis licked her fingers clean, swallowing the scone. “I did my time. It’s not my problem that Mom’s always so pouty.”

Without warning, Azura grabbed a rag and threw it into Lapis’ face, fuming. “Forget it. Go play, go spend all day thinking of yourself.” She took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching her fists. “You go out to the car, I’m almost done sorting.”

Lapis threw the rag to the floor, her face dark red. “Maybe I think about myself because you and Mom only think about Mom.” She turned and left, stepping deliberately on the rag before slamming the door behind her.

Outside, she kicked at the ground, sending little rocks flying everywhere. Where did her sister get to decide to lecture her like a child? She was older by a good three years, and besides, stuff was different for her. Azura had always adored their mother, and seemed to bend over backwards to keep her happy. Lapis huffed over to the vehicle, sitting on its warm hood. Her sister might be happy spending everyday in that cramped building, but she couldn’t do it. Especially standing next to her mom, it just wasn’t going to happen.

Lapis was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of a car door slamming. She looked over her shoulder to see her sister behind the wheel, glaring straight ahead. She slid off the vehicle and fell into her seat, not looking at the driver. Azura said nothing.

They sat there in silence for a minute, Lapis growing increasingly fidgety. Finally, she let out a huff, letting her head hang. “I’ll come in tomorrow too. Give you an extra day, okay?”

Azura’s shoulders began to slowly relax. “Maybe I should throw stuff in your face more often.”

“You do and I’ll break your fingers.”

Azura snickered and turned on the radio. “Sister Golden Hair” was playing, and the sisters began singing along, Azura’s thin voice blending well with Lapis’.

_ Will you meet me in the middle? _

_ Will you meet me in the air? _

_ Will you love me just a little, _

_ Just enough to show you care? _

“Are you going to learn this one, Lapis?”

“Yeah, I’ve been working on adding some oldies to my repertoire. This one is actually kinda easy.”

“I still think you should learn some Taylor Swift.”

Lapis made a retching noise. “I’d rather break my own fingers than play that crap.”

Azura giggled. “You can dye your hair blonde.”

“Stop it.”

“Rock out in a black leotard.”

“I will absolutely grab that wheel and kill us.”

Azura began laughing uproariously, and Lapis couldn’t help but join in with her sister. She couldn’t remember the last time they had been mad at each other for more than a couple of hours.

The next morning, when Bronagh saw Lapis walk in with her sister, she couldn’t hide her excitement.

“Lapis! So, are you considering my offer of two weeks?”

Lapis pulled a wan smile. “Azura talked me into a ‘buy five, get one free’ offer.”

“Excellent!” Their mother clasped her hands together, her eyes flashing decisively. “Azura, why don’t you join me in the kitchen today? Lapis will take the counter… without assaulting anyone this time.” Lapis pumped her fist in excitement; her sister couldn’t hide the flicker of panic on her face as she joined their mother in the back. 

Saturdays were always slower: no moms coming in before school, fewer businessmen swinging by on their way to work in one of the big cities that surrounded their small town. For an hour, Azura and Bronagh lazily worked on pastries and cold brew, and Lapis managed to sink crushed-up napkins in the trash can a record ten times in a row. It would have been eleven, but the door dinged and Lapis had to quit early.

To her surprise, the blonde who had given her twenty dollars poked her head in, looking around slowly before allowing herself to fully enter. Her fingers were still covered in bandages, and her hair was even wilder. Her outfit was again a mismatch of greens, down to one lime-green ankle sock and a darker colored knee sock. When she saw Lapis behind the counter, her eyes lit up.

“Hey! Guitar girl!” She rushed over, a huge smile plastered on her face. “It was an L name, right?”

“Yeah, Lapis. And you’re Peridot? I just remember you had a rock name too.”

The blonde giggled, and Lapis was mortified to feel her face grow warm at the sound.

“Yes ma’am, Peridot! The great and lovable!” She struck a pose and Lapis had to hold back a laugh. She let her pose drop and stared above Lapis’ head at the chalkboard menu. “So, what do you recommend? I don’t want any dark roasts ‘cuz they’re too bitter, and I honestly don’t know if I should have caffeine.”

Lapis bit her tongue to avoid agreeing with the girl’s caffeine intake. “Well, I always love a dirty chai, so maybe a chai latte would be good.” Lapis looked out the window at the blazing sun. “Maybe an iced chai.”

“Perfect!” Peridot reached into her pocket and pulled out a compact ball of bills, extricating a single five to pay with. As Lapis rang her up and ducked below the counter to grab the chai mix, the blonde wandered lazily about the small main room, staring at the multicolored walls. “This place seems really cool. I only heard about it last week. I mean, I overhead about it, I guess. My mom’s friend was talking about how you guys had great stuff and it piqued my curiosity.” She turned back to Lapis, who was more focused on getting the drink right than entertaining the customer. “How long have you worked here for?”

“Huh? Oh, since I was sixteen, my mom owns it.” 

“No way! You own a coffee shop? That’s so cool!”

“Nah, I don’t own anything. I’m just the underpaid labor.” She handed over the drink, laughing as she heard her mom harrumph in the kitchen over her comment. “Okay, not too underpaid.”

Peridot sipped her drink, grinning. “I’m so glad I found this place. I’ll definitely try to bring some people with me next time.”

Lapis nodded, not really caring how many people came. She looked out the window, noting that the only car in the parking lot was an old Beetle with a license plate that read “ElectriC”. 

“Is that your car?”

Peridot nodded excitedly. “I made it electric!”

“You what?” Lapis was only dimly aware that her jaw had dropped.

“Yeah, that’s why the license plate says ‘electric’. I refitted it and made it electric.”

Lapis blinked a few times. “That’s . . . Wow.” She could only stare at the blonde, every assumption she had made about her bubbly nature now shattered against the hood of a retrofitted Volkswagen. “I’m impressed.”

“Thank you!” Peridot kept sipping at her drink, clearly happy with just standing and talking to Lapis. “So, when are you going to play at the gazebo again? I went there yesterday but you weren’t there.”

“Tomorrow, I spent the week here.” 

Peridot clapped around her drink. “Are you going to play more original stuff?” She looked at Lapis so  _ hopefully _ , and the bluenette could feel a stirring in her withered soul.

“Maybe. Definitely if you show up.” Crap, was that flirting? Peridot didn’t seem to notice, only smiling excitedly. A few minutes later, she left with an exuberant wave good-bye, after dropping a sizable tip in the jar.  _ I should be her friend just for the payday _ .

“So, was that the girl who left the twenty?” Lapis leaped back, surprised by her sister’s sudden appearance. After taking a moment to make sure her heart hadn’t punched a hole through her chest from fright, she smoothed her shirt down, giving her sister a rather curt look.

“Yes, actually. She wanted to know when I’d be playing again. I’m already gathering my groupies.”

Azura scoffed, but was smiling. “Well, I’m sure you can learn some achingly beautiful love songs tonight to play for her.” Lapis laughed, playfully shoving her sister back into the kitchen. When she went back out, a businessman had wandered in, more focused on his phone than any sort of politeness. Lapis sighed and got to work, looking forward to tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

The heat hadn’t gone down any since last week, but Lapis put herself under her tree and was able to remain relatively uncooked by the sun. The water bottle now sat under her guitar case, hidden in an attempt to retain at least some latent coolness. The morning had been okay: a few songs from The Lumineers had pulled in a decent amount of money, and a weird blond dude with dreadlocks had left ten dollars after explaining  _ very _ thoroughly why their newest album was trash. Lapis had simply smiled and nodded, trying to resist the urge to tell him to shave his head. White guys in dreadlocks bugged her to no end, and for some reason her town had more than its fair share of them. 

About one in the afternoon, when the summer sun was at its miserable peak, Lapis saw Peridot walking towards her and decided to suck up for some extra money. She trimmed down the song she had been playing and began a favorite of hers, one only a few weeks old:

_ Is it too late to step back _

_ Into a time when Bowie was God? _

_ And our rooms were our messy temples _

_ For pretentious punks in ratty clothes _

_ Or am I stuck with this song? _

It was one of her louder songs, written after a particularly heavy Front Bottoms binge. She had tried playing “Peach” once, when a group of tourists were walking by in between antique shops. The look they had given her had convinced her to tone back with her music. Now, however, she had a cute blonde to woo for money.

When Peridot was close enough to hear the song, her smile somehow got even bigger, and she stood and closed her eyes, listening to Lapis’ angsty music. When she finished, Peridot began clapping, just like she had last time.

“Was that an original one too?”

“Yup!” Lapis began strumming lazily, fingering something indeterminate while she talked to Peridot. “Do you ever listen to The Front Bottoms?”

Peridot shook her head, smiling still but obviously confused.

“Check them out, they’re like that, but way better.” From her strumming, Lapis shifted into “Twin Size Mattress”:

_ This is for the lions living in the wiry, broke-down frames of my friend’s bodies. _

_ When the floodwater comes, it ain’t gonna be clear, it’s gonna look like mud. _

Peridot stood with her hands clasped, swaying gently as Lapis played. When she finished, her eyes were wide. “Was that you too, or the Bottom people?”

“The Front Bottoms.”

“I love it! Do you know anything else by them?”

And so, a good half an hour passed this way. Lapis would play a song by someone she loved, Peridot would like it, and she’d play another one by someone else. She sprinkled in a couple of her original ones, and Peridot clapped twice as hard for those. Finally, a group of high schoolers approached and Lapis began playing “Hallelujah”. She probably played it ten times a week, but people knew it and it was a damn pretty song. When she finished, one of the girls in the group dropped off a dollar, and the kids kept walking. Peridot made no such motion.

“So, why do you play out here all the time?”

Lapis shrugged. “It’s money, and I like it.”

“Have you ever recorded any of your songs?” Peridot looked at her expectantly, and Lapis almost felt ashamed at her answer.

“ . . . No. Never had the time. Or space. Or equipment.” She thought for a moment. “I honestly wouldn’t know where to start.”

Peridot’s eyes grew wide and she grabbed the guitarist by the shoulders. “I’ve got a space! And equipment! You could come record at my place!” The blonde began jumping up and down, babbling at a million miles an hour about what a privilege it would be for her to help the other girl record her music. Lapis, for her part, had to remind herself to keep her mouth closed and not just let it hang open. This near stranger fell out of the sky and into her lap with an opportunity to actually record her music? What kind of rom-com miracle bullshit had just happened?

She shook her head in disbelief, still processing. “Wait, so you make music too?”

“Yeah, I’ll show you some of my stuff when you come over. Oh, stars, this is going to be amazing!” Peridot set off again, now listing off some of the stuff she had, and Lapis could feel her chest swell. She could actually do something with her catalog now. On an impulse, she hugged her new friend, who quickly responded with her own bone-crushing hug as she shrieked and giggled. Peridot seemed a little weird, but it was the first person outside of her house that she had really talked to in far too long. Lapis pulled herself away, smiling hard, and the two began to set up a date and time for their first session, both talking over each other in their shared excitement. Finally, they settled on twice a week, starting that Monday, Peridot offering to drive.

Peridot left with another hug and another twenty dollar tip. Lapis wrapped up early that day, speedwalking home as her head bubbled and span with the development. Her mom had given her one month, no questions asked. That was far more than enough time to record an album’s worth of material. Peridot would clean it up for her, she’d put it online, sell a few albums, and bam! A lesbian, punky Bon Iver, ready for stardom. 

At home, her mom was sitting on the couch with Azura, the two mindlessly watching some rancid nineties sitcom punctuated every few seconds by a laugh track.

“You know, they recorded those people laughing in the fifties. You’re listening to dead people laugh.”

Bronagh rolled her eyes. “How cheerful, Lapis. Besides, it’s one of those shows with a live audience.”

Lapis shrugged her guitar off. “Necromancy.” Azura snickered into her hands while their mom groaned and stood up.

“Alright, that’ll do for the night. I think I’ll head on to bed. You two don’t stay up too late.” She bent over and kissed Azura’s forehead, then went behind the couch towards her room. On a whim, Lapis stopped her mom, hugging her tightly.

“Well!” Bronagh exclaimed, wrapping her arms gingerly around her daughter, “I guess you had a good day today?”

“Yeah! I’m going to be recording my music!”

“That’s nice dear,” Bronagh politely opined as she ruffled her daughter’s hair, unaware of her fading smile. She disappeared into her room, and Azura pushed her hair aside to get a better look at her sister.

“Well,  _ I _ want to hear about it.”

Lapis sat next to her sister, telling her about Peridot’s proposition, growing excited all over again.. By the end of her short story, Azura’s eyes were as wide as hers had been.

“Azura! This is what I needed! This, this  _ angel _ falls into my lap with a way to record my music? I can put it online, I can sell copies while I busk, I can hand it out to friends when I make some . . .” Lapis paused, realizing that she was bouncing as she spoke. Before she could resume her train of thought, Azura fell on top of her, giggling and hugging her tight.

“Lapis! I’m so happy for you!” Azura squeezed Lapis until she couldn’t breathe, then squeezed a bit more. When Lapis’ face started to match her hair, she finally let go, still giggling. “Hey, do you want me to bring it up again with Mom? She kinda dumped on you there.”

Lapis shrugged, hiding her expressions well. “It’s whatever. I’ll just show up with the physical album in a month, and she’ll have to take it seriously then.”

Azura nodded, leaning back into Lapis. “Let me know if you need help with anything, okay?” Lapis slipped her arm around her sister, nodding but not looking at her. They turned the TV off, idly chit-chatting late into the night.

The weekend passed by painfully slowly for Lapis. All she could think about was seeing Peridot on Monday. Saturday was a decent day as far as making money, and Sunday was surprisingly fruitful, except for the fact that the blond guy with dreadlocks had shown up again, this time lecturing Lapis on why Pearl Jam was so much better than Nirvana. Lapis was very polite, and once he was out of sight, she immediately launched into “Polly”. 

Monday morning, Lapis leapt out of bed, waking up before Azura for the first time in five years, the last time being when Azura had slept in after staying up all night reading some teen magic novel. Lapis peeked into the kitchen before just rushing out the door. Bronagh sat with a cup of coffee, sipping it quietly and staring off into space. When she noticed her daughter, she raised her eyebrows.

“Good morning. You’re up early.”

“It’s a beautiful Monday morning, I’m not allowed to enjoy that?”

Bronagh’s eyebrows raised even higher. “You really are chipper at the moment, aren’t you?” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Lapis busied herself with the coffee, pouring herself a cup before inundating it with sugar. “It was a pretty good weekend. Hopefully it’ll carry out over the week.”

Bronagh said nothing. When Lapis finished her coffee and dropped the cup in the sink, she shifted a bit in her seat, looking in Lapis’ direction but not making eye contact.

“I’m glad you’re so happy playing your music. I hope this week pays well too.”

Before Lapis could say anything, her mother drained her coffee, set her mug gently in the sink next to her daughter’s, and glided swiftly back to her room. 

Lapis looked at the empty space where her mother had been for a second before rolling her eyes and shoving out the door. She’d text Azura in a bit that it wasn’t going to be a good day.

Outside, the golden-white sun was already above all the buildings, but the morning breeze kept the heat manageable. Lapis counted herself lucky that she’d be indoors by the time the heat got worse. The walk to the gazebo was brief and quiet: it would be another hour or so before tourists began to clog the street and jaywalk at the most inopportune moments. When Lapis got to the park, Peridot was sitting in her Beetle, reading a magazine. As Lapis got closer, she could see it was a science magazine, the kind filled with sensational articles about robots and medicine that probably wouldn’t be actually available for another few years, if not decades.

Lapis knocked on the window of the car gently, prompting Peridot to fling the magazine behind her in surprise. When she saw Lapis’ familiar face, her surprise was replaced with unbidden joy, and she waved excitedly at Lapis before remembering to unlock the car to actually allow her friend in.

“Hey! Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

“Not really, I just pulled up. Ready to make music?” Peridot punctuated her question with a solid smack to her dashboard, immediately followed by gentle rubbing as she began baby-talking her car. Lapis snorted and the two set off.

Lapis wasn’t too terribly surprised when Peridot took them to one of the gated communities on the edge of town, nor when the house they pulled up to was about twice the size of her own. Based on the tips Peridot had been leaving her, she either was doing very well for herself, or (more likely) she had parents who were doing well for her.

They pulled into the driveway, Peridot immediately bounding out of the car and inside, leaving the door open for a second before sticking her head back out to see if Lapis was following. Lapis meandered up the pathway, taking in the neighborhood around her. The houses were stunning, with perfect lawns and lovely swimming pools in every oversized backyard. She already kind of hated it.

When she followed Peridot through the door, she was immediately greeted by a boxer that came up past her knees, bouncing as though ready to jump.

“No, Pumpkin, bad girl!” The dog was quickly corralled by a tall, thin woman with sharp features accentuated by a spiky pixie cut. She smiled apologetically at Lapis. “She loves people, but it’s hardly polite if she tackles everyone who comes through that door.”

Lapis dropped to a squat, petting the dog happily. “Hey, there are worse things that can happen. Her name’s Pumpkin?”

“Yeah, she’s been a fixture here for a few years now.” The woman gently patted the dog before her eyes widened suddenly. “Oh! I’m so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Olive, Peridot’s mom.” Lapis stood up and shook her hand, not quite believing the two were related. The woman in front of her seemed incredibly controlled with every movement she made. They did both have sharp noses, though. “Peridot just zoomed right in, I’m guessing you know how she is.” Lapis nodded and laughed, supplying her own name in return.

Peridot appeared from upstairs, looking somewhat bashful. “Sorry for disappearing. I thought you were closer behind.” Olive shot Lapis a knowing look and politely ducked away into the kitchen, Pumpkin galloping after her. Lapis bounded up the stairs after Peridot into her room and was promptly greeted with a cluttered nerd’s paradise.

Lapis was surprised that a single person could own so many K’Nex and Erector sets. Constructions sat around the room, most of them in various stages of completion, some obviously being rebuilt for the tenth time. Books also sat around the room, every single one of them with a bookmark stuck in them somewhere. At least one was being held open with another, smaller book. 

“Nice room.” Lapis wasn’t lying.

“Thanks! Let me just snag some stuff and we’ll go to where the magic happens.”

Peridot buzzed about the room quickly, muttering under her breath as she grabbed various cables from seemingly nowhere. The last thing she grabbed was a small keyboard, tucked firmly under her arm. With a serious look on her face, she marched out of her room and down the hall to a door painted a loud lime-green.

“Mom’s always nagging me about the door not matching anything, but I like it. Makes it stand out.” Peridot pushed the door open casually, talking at Lapis about her mom. Lapis didn’t hear a single word. 

The room was fairly small, but stacked well with equipment that Lapis was positively drooling over. Various types of microphones were set up, as well as several nice amps, alongside a handful of guitars and a bass sitting in a semicircle. In the corner was a desk with three Macs sitting side by side, and a drum kit sat across the room. The walls had even been covered with acoustic foam.

Lapis felt her face growing hot. Why on Earth was this girl, whom she barely knew, doing all this for her? The only thing she could think of was that this girl was a saint of some kind. She looked over at Peridot, who was booting up computers, furiously dashing around the room as she tried to set up everything at once. If she was a saint, she had been disguised quite well.

“Peridot, are you sure it’s okay for me to use this stuff? I thought you meant you had an amp in your garage, not a legitimate studio.”

Peridot waved a hand in dismissal. “Your stuff is awesome! It  _ needs _ to be recorded. Besides, you seem like you’d be nice to hang out with.” She paused, her cheeks growing slightly red at her word choice, before she resumed attacking tangled cables.

Lapis quickly got her guitar out, tuning it and pulling out a few picks. She was very picky (no pun intended) about the sound each plectrum made, and she wanted to have a good, balanced noise for the first day of recording.

“So, Peridot,” Lapis asked as she fiddled with her guitar, “you said you make music too?”

“Mhmm! I can play some if you want.”

“Sure!”

Peridot spent a moment looking at the microphones before working her way over to the Macs, pulling up her library. She clicked on a song titled “rainydays” and leaned back in satisfaction as a grainy ukulele began plucking over the sound system. For a few seconds, the only other noise was the hiss and crackle of a vinyl record, before an ethereal tone slowly faded in. As flat-sounding drums were added on top, a nasally voice began to sing quietly:

_ I look outside the window and watch the stars as they’re fading _

_ It doesn’t make a difference if it’s raining or it’s shining _

_ I sit alone upstairs because there’s something I can’t reach _

_ It doesn’t make a difference if it’s raining or it’s shining _

“This is you?” Lapis bobbed her head to the music’s slow beat. The song had such a pretty melody, but it was so . . . melancholy. Hardly what she would have expected from Peridot. “This is really nice.”

“Thanks! I bought a ukulele a few years ago and started recording with it about a year ago.”

“I have to admit, when you said you were a musician too, I didn’t know what to expect.”

Peridot chewed a little at her fingers, not looking at Lapis. “You know how it goes. There’s stuff I sing about that I don’t know if I could talk about.”

Lapis nodded quietly, still listening to Peridot’s music. It sounded like a stripped down version of the stuff she listened to: a different, much quieter type of sadness. Once the song ended, she pulled her guitar up, her fingers relaxing into a comfortable position.

“Ready when you are.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

An hour later, Lapis waved a hand at Peridot. “Mind if we take a small break? I need some water.”

“No problem! I’ll go grab that for you.”

Peridot bounced out the door and Lapis let out a gusty sigh. The last hour had been little more than her choking on songs that she knew by heart, badly. She couldn’t play for more than a few minutes at a time without her voice cracking or hitting a dead note. Even worse, Peridot was nothing but encouraging. At every screw-up, she would simply shrug and grin, as if she had all the time in the world.

Before Lapis could get too deep into her thoughts, a water bottle was thrust into her line of vision.

“Thanks.” Lapis took a huge swig. “Sorry I’m sucking so bad today. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Peridot shrugged again, and Lapis had to resist the urge to groan. “If I need to, I can just step out of the room for a little bit. Maybe it’s an audience thing.”

Lapis swished the water in her mouth, thinking. “Sure, why not?”

Peridot quickly got the microphone set up and hit the record button, shooting a thumbs-up at Lapis before stepping out of the room, closing the door gently behind her.

Immediately, Lapis felt a small weight lift off her chest, giving her a moment’s breath before it circled back around and punched her in the stomach. Peridot was being nothing but kind, and she was being so weird about playing in front of her. It felt ungrateful.

She grumbled, picking at her guitar while she tried to think of a song to play. In the empty room, the idea of improvising suddenly felt kind of nice. She felt her fingers immediately curve into an A minor and she shook her fingers out. She had a bad habit of falling back to the same chords, and she’d be damned if she was going to waste this time on another four-chorder. Instead, she found herself picking out a B7 chord, slowly and rhythmically. She began to alternate it with an E minor, and the words started slowly falling from her lips:

_Mirror on the wall_

_Show me what you’ve known_

_When did I become so small?_

_How am I so far from home?_

_I feel empty, but I don’t need your pity_

_I feel empty, but I don’t need your pity_

A few minutes later, with only a few slip-ups, Lapis set her guitar down, feeling very satisfied. No sooner had she stopped playing than there was a knock at the door.

“I promise I wasn’t listening! But it sounds like you’re done, can I come in?”

Lapis scoffed, smiling, and went to open the door. “Pretty good timing for someone who wasn’t listening.”

Peridot flushed red. “I just heard the music stop. Can we play it back?”

Lapis chewed on her lip for a second. Generally, she hated listening to herself sing. She supposed she had to get used to it, however. “Sure. I’ll just sit in the corner trying not to cringe too hard.”

Peridot seemed not to take notice of Lapis’ comment, only smiling and bounding over to the computer. She stopped recording, briefly trimmed the file on either end, and hit play.

Although Lapis was grinding her teeth a little, she had to admit she didn’t sound horrible. It might have just been because they were using actual microphones and not her phone’s mouthpiece. Peridot simply stared at the screen, as if she were reading the soundwaves. When the song was finished, she clapped her hands together in a triumphant manner.

“Excellent! We’ll just do another couple takes of that, do some individual tracks, and we’ll have your first song!”

Lapis felt her chest swell a bit. She had actually recorded a song! She wasn’t sure what felt stronger: her authentic sense of pride in herself, or her smug satisfaction that she was one step closer to dropping an album in her mother’s lap.

“Sounds good. Want me to try it again?”

Peridot glanced over at the computer’s clock. “Sure, we can do a few more. I don’t want to tire you out too much on your first day.”

“Ah yes, playing music is so exhausting. That’s why I do it everyday in the Texas heat.”

Peridot giggled and set up the computer again. “Alright, let’s get just the instrumental.”

Peridot’s car rolled to a stop at the square. Even though they had only spent a few hours recording, they both felt exhausted. The smiles on their faces, however, belied that feeling.

“I know I’ve said it, like, twenty times today, but thank you so much for letting me do this. You really didn’t have to do any of this.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I like your music, I have the resources, and I can help you. It’s just logical.” 

Lapis snorted, amused at her new companion. She reached out and pulled her into a hug. Apparently, she was a hugger when she was happy. After a moment, she broke off, grabbing her guitar from the backseat of the car and waving good-bye to Peridot. That Friday, they’d pick up where they left off.

Lapis walked home slowly, enjoying the amber light of evening. Any tourists were either back at their hotel room or eating dinner in one of the town’s overpriced beer gardens, off the streets. The only sound was the hum of crickets and the occasional whine of mosquitoes. Lapis groaned, knowing full well that she’d be an open buffet for the damned little vampires if she stayed out much longer.

As she stepped through her front door, something felt off. The muffled sound of Irish music hit her harder than it normally would. She had grown up with it, why would it bother her like this? It took her a moment, but her heart sank as she realized what it was: Bronagh was playing “Wild Colonial Boy”. She took a moment to listen to who was singing. Her heart pushed even further down when she realized it was the version from The Quiet Man.

She quietly slipped past her mom’s room, the source of the music. In their room, Azura sat with her headphones in, reading some textbook.

“I forgot to tell you, she was in a mood this morning.”

Azura shot her a look as she took off her headphones. “You don’t say?”

“Is the song on repeat?”

“Yup. Interrupted once by her actually watching the damn movie. That was a few hours ago.”

Lapis sat on her bed. “Fuck. Should I go talk to her?”

Azura shrugged, her attention slowly falling back to her book. “Couldn’t hurt.”

Lapis didn’t move for a few seconds, willing herself to stand up. When she did, it was with no small amount of grumbling. By the time she had gotten to her mom’s door, she had gotten it out of her system and knocked quietly. She could hear Bronagh shuffling before the door opened, revealing her mom looking a bit disheveled.

“Oh, hello, dear. How was today’s busking?” Her mother made an attempt at a smile, but it stretched painfully thin.

“It was good. I just wanted to make sure you’re doing alright.”

“Oh, a little sad, but there’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

“Mom . . .”

“It’s a shame you weren’t here earlier. Azura and I popped some popcorn and watched The Quiet Man.” Bronagh’s eyes began to grow misty. “You know, your aunt loved that movie. Roisin was so little when we moved from Ireland, and she always liked the picture that movie painted, no matter how many times I told her it wasn’t accurate.” She wiped at her eyes, now completely lost in her memories. “It took me too long to understand. It was more the feeling of Ireland, of home, than anything else.” 

Lapis shifted on her feet, uncomfortable. She had never known her aunt. To hear her mom hurt so much over a woman who had been dead for nearly thirty years was painful in multiple ways.

Bronagh sniffled a little bit, trying and failing again to smile. “I’m sorry for getting so weepy. Just one of those days. Thank you for letting me know that you’re home, I appreciate it.” She paused, her focus clearly scattered. After a few seconds, she shook her head and pulled out some money. “Here, you and Azura order something to eat. I’m not too hungry, and the fridge is a bit spare as it is.” With that, she closed the door, and Lapis was left staring at nothing.

She bit the inside of her cheek and went back to her room. “Pizza or burgers tonight?”

“Why not chinese food?”

“Excellent contribution, sister. The usual?”

“Mhmm.” Azura had now moved on to her sketchbook, a tome of strange, angular doodles. It was her escape, similar to Lapis’ guitar. Lapis shoved down a petty little thought about how Bronagh never gave Azura grief for drawing.

Lapis dialled the chinese food place from memory, realizing suddenly how hungry she was. She had eaten a little at Peridot’s, but she had definitely held back from her usual trick of unhinging her jaw to devour whole livestock. When the restaurant picked up, Lapis was already trying to decide on a double or triple order of egg rolls.

The sisters sat quietly in the kitchen, the only noise from them being the occasional crunch of a wonton or a noodle being slurped up. The whole time, “Wild Colonial Boy” played in the background. At the very least, Bronagh had moved on to the Clancy Brothers. 

“So what happened this morning?” Azura broke the silence, looking up at Lapis from behind her bangs.

Lapis chewed slowly, thinking. “She just said she was happy my music was going so well, then she retreated into her dungeon.”

Azura made a small noise of disapproval, but remained quiet.

“I don’t know, Azura, maybe she’s just regretting her deal.”

“Who knows? I doubt it. Speaking of, how was today’s session with your groupie?”

Lapis actually bounced a little in her seat, nearly spilling soy sauce in the process. “It was so good! We actually got most of a song done today. She wasn’t kidding when she said she had the hookup. Girl’s practically got a whole studio in her house.”

“And why is she doing all this again?”

Lapis held up a finger, horking down a particularly large bite of noodles, secretly delighting in her sister’s disgusted face. “She just likes my music enough. Hey, if Mozart can get a patron, what’s stopping me?”

“A giant white wig?”

Lapis was about to respond when her sister suddenly hushed her. She was suddenly aware that the sound of the Clancy Brothers had been replaced with their mother’s voice. They both listened, piecing together that their mom was on the phone with someone. From the sounds of it, it was not a conversation she particularly wanted to be having. There were a few more hushed reprimands, before the sound of her door opening. Both sisters immediately became very interested in the little bit of food left on their plate.

Bronagh glided in, her face stony. “Girls, I need you to clean your room tonight. Apparently, your aunt is coming to visit us.”

“Aunt Yvonne?”

Bronagh rolled her eyes and, before the two girls could react any more, went back to her room, closing the door firmly.

Lapis immediately pumped her fists. “Yes!”

“Gee, Lapis, what’s got you so excited?” Despite her mocking tone, Azura smiled warmly.

“Dude, what’s not to love about a visit from Aunt Yvonne?”

“Apart from her and mom having to be in the same room for more than a few seconds at a time? Not much, to be honest.”

Lapis slammed down the last of her food, bolting from the table to go clean their room. Azura sat for a few minutes, picking at what was left on her plate. It would certainly be fun for a little bit. She wondered how long that would last.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

Aunt Yvonne was set to arrive that Thursday evening, giving them three days to get the house ready. Azura went over their room with a fine-toothed comb. She certainly liked her room neat (not that living with Lapis made that particularly easy), but it was more to stay out of sight than anything else.

Anytime Yvonne visited, Lapis and Bronagh seemed to doubly feed off of each other in the preceding days. What was usually a somewhat steady peace was immediately replaced with a frantic energy unusual for the melancholy women. Wednesday afternoon, it had gotten to the point where Lapis was loudly and sloppily practicing a Tracy Chapman song while Bronagh stormed around the house, practically flinging their couch over to clean underneath. Azura had paid extra-close attention to their closet that day, practically burying herself in Lapis’ layers of flannels. Seriously, how had their mom not realized how gay she was?

Thursday morning, however, the tension finally eased. Bronagh spent most of the day at the coffee shop, and Lapis was especially busy practicing for Friday’s recording session. Azura hummed softly to herself as she sat doodling in the living room. It was a newer pursuit, but one she found quite meditative.

Lapis, for her part, was decidedly less at ease. She needed to bring something with her to the studio tomorrow; she couldn’t just improvise a whole album. To avoid the same freeze-up as last time, she had been playing the same three songs over and over again, until the tips of her fingers started to burn. 

She was so lost in her playing that she barely noticed the sound of the front door closing, nor the sound of her mom fussing with someone. Slowly, however, these sounds travelled through her brain, making her nearly drop her guitar once she processed them. Had she really been practicing for that long? All of a sudden, she was aware of a cramping in her hand. She could deal with that later, however—Aunt Yvonne was here.

Lapis burst out of the room like a little kid, rushing into the kitchen to hug her aunt. Yvonne barely had time to react before nearly being knocked over by her niece. 

“Well! Good to see you too, Lapis. Has it really been that long since I’ve visited?”

Lapis beamed up at her aunt. She was a tall woman like Bronagh, but with a much more commanding presence. Her features were much sharper than her sister’s, and despite being older, her hair was not yet white but a bright platinum blonde, neatly combed back to butch perfection. What had always surprised Lapis was the difference in their voices: while Bronagh still retained her accent, slightly worn down through the years, Yvonne had tried her best to get rid of hers. Although no one would think she sounded Irish, her American accent was never quite authentic either, sounding almost like the cadence of a Broadway actor. 

But even their accents weren’t the biggest difference between the two sisters. Standing side by side, it was easy to see where they might not have seen eye to eye, as Bronagh was dressed more conservatively in her usual flowing dress, while Yvonne was wearing her go-to outfit of an oversized tank top, tobacco pants, and tall combat boots. 

“Yeah man, it’s been forever! I don’t think I even had my hair dyed last time.”

“I don’t know about that, but I know for certain your sister didn’t.” She reached out to Azura, pulling her into a more timid embrace. “So, how’s the coffee shop doing?”

“Quite well, thank you. It’s been a busy month.” Bronagh’s tone was polite but curt. “And yourself? How have your travels been?”

“Oh, just fine. Had to replace the RV, but that had been coming for a while.” Both Azura and Lapis craned their heads to see if they could catch a glimpse of her latest vehicle. Every few months would find Yvonne in a new city; as far as Lapis was aware, she had never once stayed put for longer than a year. It was little wonder they saw her as little as they did.

Bronagh and Yvonne bustled back outside as quickly as they had come in, their voices echoing off of each other. Azura made a small noise.

“Alright, five minutes in and Mom’s still being polite. We can do this.”

“Might be a new record.”

The sisters looked at each other, about to giggle when they heard an angry squawking from outside. Yvonne had said or done  _ something _ , and Bronagh never wasted any time letting her sister know exactly how she had messed up.

Azura winced. “So close.”

Dinner that night was quiet, with Yvonne and Bronagh especially silent behind their cheeseburgers. As soon as her last bite was gone, Yvonne turned to her nieces.

“Alright, you kids know the drill. Who wants to sleep in the RV tonight?”

Lapis’ hand shot up violently, while Azura only smiled politely. It was the same response every time.

“Figured as much. C’mon, let’s get your bed sorted out.” With that, Lapis and her aunt quickly rose from the table, leaving their sisters sitting in silence.

The new vehicle was already dusty around the edges, and Lapis was thrilled to see that Aunt Yvonne had managed to transfer most of her bumper stickers over to the new vehicle. They were the accumulation of years on the road, and she had grown up being told the stories behind each and every one of them. Inside was a little cramped, as any RV is, yet it felt cozy in its closeness.

“So where have you been this go-round?”

“Went up to California and Oregon, wound down the coast. Just passed through Austin, actually. You ever go up there?”

“It’s been a while.”

“It’s not a bad town, especially if you’re still serious about your music.”

“Of course I am! And speaking of . . .”

Yvonne listened carefully as they entered her new vehicle, her eyebrows lifting higher and higher.

“Sounds like a lucky deal. Congrats! Did you tell your mom about any of this?”

“Yeah, I got a pat on the head for my cute wittle music.”

Yvonne grumbled. “Your mom isn’t very good at realizing what’s going on around her. Still, you know she’ll support you with whatever you do.”

“Sure.”

The older woman looked over at her niece. “You really don’t think your mom won’t love whatever you accomplish?”

“She hasn’t yet.”

Yvonne opened her mouth to say something, but shook her head slowly instead. “Speaking of, did you ever come out? I don’t want to mention anything if not.”

Lapis crossed her arms in front of herself, not making eye contact. “I thought about it. Not yet.”

Yvonne nodded as she folded the mattress out. “I understand. I just don’t think you should hide something like that forever. I don’t know if you can.”

“Why not? You told me you only told her because she caught you behind the bleachers with that Marigold chick.”

Yvonne snorted. “Yeah, she was pretty unimpressed. Not with the girl, mind you, just that I’d be so tactless as to pull that behind the bleachers.” She laughed, clearly expecting a response from her niece.

However, Lapis said nothing, starting and stopping several trains of thought that all crashed into each other.

Her aunt turned and, seeing her niece's expression, took Lapis’ hands in her own. “You’re her daughter. And no matter how little you two might understand each other, she’ll never not love you.”

Lapis let her head fall forward into her aunt’s chest, who responded with a hug built like a brick wall. They stayed that way for several minutes, neither wanting to make the first motion away. Eventually, Yvonne loosened her grip, patting her niece gently.

“Alright, let’s go back in. Maybe I can convince Azura to try a night out just once.”

Friday was Lapis’ second early morning that week, and she had to sit for a moment to remind herself why she was getting out of bed. Lucky for her, her aunt was a morning person to a crippling degree.

“Normally I’d make a joke about you just getting up, but I’ve seen you dead until noon. You should go inside and let your mom know before you go, though.”

Lapis grunted in agreement, disappearing into the tiny bathroom to freshen up. When she reappeared, Yvonne thrust a tall travel mug of coffee into her face. She graciously accepted the bitter liquid, staggering indoors.

Just like last time, Bronagh was at the table, sipping her coffee. She seemed less surprised to see her daughter this time, however.

“I should let you play more often if it’s getting you up this early. Is that coffee in there?”

“No Mom, Aunt Yvonne gave me a pitcher of vodka.”

“You kid, but you didn’t know her in college.”

Lapis reached out, rubbing her mom’s shoulder gently. “I’m just gonna grab my guitar and I’ll be gone.”

Bronagh said nothing, her attention focused again on her coffee.

This time, Lapis found Peridot napping in her vehicle. Temptation proved too great to resist, and she crept around to Peridot’s window before slamming her open palm down, startling her poor friend awake. The first thing Peridot saw once she stopped flailing was Lapis, leaning into the car to keep herself upright from laughing so hard.

“Pleased with yourself?” Despite her curt tone, Peridot was already breaking into a grin.

“Oh, absolutely. And! I’ve been practicing, so hopefully we can get more than one song done today.” 

“Sounds good!” The car started, a quiet thrum, and they were on their way. “By the way, when this gets released, do you want your name on it?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I dunno. Maybe you have an artist's name. Like, just your first or last name.”

“‘Just Your First Or Last Name.’ Kind of long, but it has a good vibe.”

Peridot giggled and snorted. “Very Panic at the Disco.”

“Ooh, that can be the first song’s title.”

“Are you just going to turn everything I say into a song?”

“And that can be the ballad at the end!”

The two snorted in laughter, but Lapis’ merriment suddenly fell quiet as she saw they were about to drive by a gas station. “Hey Peridot, mind if we grab some snacks real quick?”

“Sure.”

They pulled into the parking lot and plodded into the grimy store, row upon row of deep-fried, heavily-salted treats waiting for them. The cashier, a tall, burly woman with scars dancing upon her face, stared them down, her eyes sharp like a knife and just as cold.

“Hey, Lapis. How’s your mom?”

“Ah, the usual. How’s your kith and kin?”

“Noisy as ever. By the way, we have those mexican twinkies you like back in stock.”

“No kidding? Thanks, man.”

The cashier nodded, her gaze just as steely as it turned to Peridot. “Who’s the small one?”

“Be nice, Jazz. This is Peridot, she’s helping me with my music.”

Her eyes softened immediately. “Hey, very cool. I’m looking forward to it. Still playing that angsty shit?”

Lapis clicked her tongue as she approached the front, pulling a worn debit card from her pocket. “You know it.”

“Nice.”

Lapis paid, gave the cashier a quick fist bump, then sauntered outside, Peridot following immediately behind.

“Your friend seems . . .”

“Intense?”

“We’ll go with that.”

Lapis snorted as they slid back into the car. “Yeah, Jasper’s something else. So glad we broke up.” Peridot’s face remained totally neutral, and Lapis had to bite her tongue to hold back a scream. Oh. Oh,  _ fuck _ . 

“So, she’s your ex?” Peridot’s tone was remarkably conversational, but her face was blank in a practiced way. Lapis decided to go with it.

“Yeah, in high school. She was super possessive, I was,” she stammered for a second, “kind of a total bitch, and now we’re friends. Small town life, right?”

“Sure sure.” 

After that, Peridot changed the conversation immediately to ideas she had for the recording, chattering idly away about album art and possible filters they could run. Lapis, however, heard nothing, and as they approached the end of town, the silence only grew heavier. She began to chew at her fingers, nibbling at her callouses. She hadn’t been tossed from the car with threats of violence; that was good, right? Oh, god, what a low bar. Besides, Lapis had seen this before, much closer to home, her mother’s wonderful ability at avoiding any conversation that could threaten her fragile peace. How often had Lapis tried, desperately, to talk to her mom about something, anything, only to get sucked into a friendly debate on the virtues of home cooking? That’s what Peridot was doing, side-stepping the issue that she was in a car with a lesbian, and as soon as they got to her place it would be more of the same side-stepping, and it would be side-stepped for as long as they knew each other and--

“Lapis, are you crying?”

No, Lapis was sobbing. Her shoulders shook and suddenly what had been silent broke out into a sniffling cry, much to her embarrassment. Peridot quickly pulled over, more than a little panicked.

“Did something happen? Did I say something?”

“No, that’s kind of the problem.” Lapis’ voice was thick with tears, and she could feel her nose starting to run. Absolutely disgusting.

“I’ve been talking for a while though . . .” Peridot’s eyes were wide with confusion.

Lapis tried to pull herself together, now feeling very annoyed at herself and more than a little angry at Peridot. Was it misplaced? Probably. But she’d figure that out later.

“Peridot, if someone tells you something huge, like, I don’t know, _ they’re super fucking gay _ , the proper response is not to ignore the something huge!” Lapis’ voice steadily rose with each word, and now she was glaring at Peridot, her eyes bloodshot. “Because, then! Then that person might think that there’s something wrong with what they said, like the fact that they’re gay. They might think the other person does not like the fact that they’re gay. Especially--” Lapis’ voice cracked suddenly, and she was crying again. “Especially if you’re the first person they’ve ever really told.”

For a few minutes, the only sound in the car was Lapis sobbing, trying and failing to take deep breaths. Peridot tried to awkwardly pat her shoulder, but Lapis shot her a look that made her quickly recoil. Finally, Peridot tried to piece her words together.

“I thought the best thing to do was not make a big deal about it. Like, I didn’t want you to think that I would treat you any differently. I don’t care if you’re gay, I don’t hate you, at all.” Her voice was small.

Lapis wiped at her nose, sniffling loudly. She looked over at Peridot and saw how honestly confused and contrite she was, and felt her anger begin to ebb. “Your bedside manner needs some work, my dude.”

“I know.” Peridot rummaged up a lint-covered napkin from the cupholder and held it out to Lapis. She snorted, but otherwise graciously accepted the peace offering. 

Peridot drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “So, did you still want to record today?” 

“Honestly, no. The whole gay panic thing kinda drained me. I should probably just head home.”

“Or we could hang out?”

Lapis heard the tone in her voice and immediately heard the unspoken “ _ So I can show you I don’t hate you _ .” She closed her eyes, pulling together a few scraps of frazzled patience.

“Sure, did you have any ideas?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

Lapis for sure thought Peridot would have suggested a library or a coffee shop. Something quiet, nerdy, and public. So when Peridot immediately suggested the nature preserve at the edge of town, she was very pleasantly surprised.

A decade or two before either of them had been born, what was now the preserve had been slated to be a golf course. An uproar occurred, namely over the animals that would be displaced and the sheer volume of trees that would have been lost. Most importantly, the river that bisected the town would have passed directly through the course, leaving it scarily open to pollution. Marches were held, and the area was now trees and river as far as the eye could see.

Lapis had grown up in the preserve. Countless hours of her childhood had been spent swinging on the centuries-old grapevine, gleefully ignoring her mother’s edicts to come down at once. Even better was the creek itself, placid and ancient until the rain whipped it into a youthful frenzy that was beautiful and terrifying. 

As they pulled into the parking lot, the mood had steadied somewhat. Lapis was still a bit sniffly, and Peridot seemed somewhat chastised in her manner. As they got out of the car and made their way down the winding path to the creek, however, their spirits began to lift higher and higher. By the time they were at the water’s edge, any unease was mostly forgotten.

“Not gonna lie, Peridot, I never took you for a wilderness gal.”

“It’s hardly wilderness. You can see the soccer fields from here.”

“Eh, it’s close enough.” Lapis grinned contentedly as she looked up and down the body of water. Today it was chugging along slowly, pools of light-green duckweed spinning across the surface in an amoeba-like fashion. Lapis quickly took off her shoes and sat down, sighing as she dipped her feet into the cool water. “This was a good idea, thanks.”

“Absolutely! I love this place!” Peridot opened her mouth, ostensibly to start waxing about the joys of the outdoors, but her voice caught. Instead, she sat down next to Lapis, pulling her knees up under her chin. For a while, the two sat, staring at the water slowly pushing by. Peridot would open her mouth every few minutes, but never said anything. When she finally did speak, her tone was somber.

“So . . . I’m the first person you’ve ever come out to?”

Lapis made a clicking sound with her tongue as she pulled together her words. “Kind of? My sister and my aunt know, but I never really told them. Azura saw me with Jasper and assumed correctly, and my aunt . . .” Lapis giggled a bit. “Yeah, she just got it.”

“Well, you had to come out to Jasper, right?”

“Not really. When your first conversation is making out drunk at a pool party, it kind of goes unspoken.”

“Oh.” Peridot blushed. “And you never told any of your friends?”

Lapis muttered something darkly.

“What?”

“I said, I never really had any friends. Like I said, Jasper was pretty controlling, and I was too, so I don’t really have any friends anymore. Except you.”

“And your parents?”

Lapis let out a bark of laughter, dry and humorless. “Hell no. Dad’s out of the picture, I never even knew his name. And I’m never telling my mom.”

“You can do that?”

“I can try.”

Peridot’s nose wrinkled in confusion. “Why?”

That was a good question. Lapis didn’t answer at first. She knew her aunt was right, on some level. She had never heard her mom say anything homophobic; how could she, with her sister? As much as her mom and aunt argued, she knew that there was still some basic support there, and her sexuality was certainly part of that support. But in her mind’s eye, she could see it, clear as day: walking up to her mom and telling her ostensibly the most important thing she had ever told her, only to get rewarded with the millionth “That’s nice dear.”, where it would die, unspoken and bitter.

Lapis truncated her thoughts. “I don’t know how she’d take it.”

Peridot nodded solemnly and sat still for a few minutes, gazing out at the lazy river. “Thanks.”

Lapis looked over. “For what? All I did was complain.”

“For telling me, even if you didn’t mean to. And for calling me your friend. That was nice.”

Lapis was taken aback by how gentle Peridot’s voice was, and very nearly jumped out of her skin when Peridot leaned into her. Holy shit, her hair was soft. Lapis very carefully slipped an arm around Peridot’s shoulder, praying that the shorter girl wouldn’t look up and see just how hard she was blushing. She was suddenly reminded that Peridot was, indeed, very cute. It had been easy to ignore when they were recording; with nothing else taking her attention, it was suddenly unavoidable. Even then, how nervous had she been that first day of recording? Lapis had chalked it up to performance anxiety; now, she wasn’t so sure. As she surreptitiously looked down at her friend, something tickled at the back of her brain, an emotion a bit stronger than adoration.

The river swirled gently in front of them, burbling so quietly it was almost inaudible. The sun punctured the dark green leaves erratically, dappling bits of gold and white among the brown and emerald earth. In the distance, a branch snapped and a crow scolded it for daring to break the silence. Peridot closed her eyes and began to gently doze, and Lapis, feeling very worn out, joined her.

When Lapis’ eyes fluttered open about an hour later, Peridot filled her vision. In their sleep, they had become fairly entangled, Lapis’ arms wrapped around her friend’s shoulders rather intimately. Lapis felt her face burning red, and tried to carefully pull away. The motion woke up Peridot, who blinked a few times, confused.

“Where are we?”

“We fell asleep by the river.”

Peridot looked down and saw that her arms were firmly around Lapis’ waist and pulled back quickly, her own face bright red.

“Time to go?”

“Yeah, it’s getting late.”

The ride back to the gazebo was quick and quiet, contentment and mild embarrassment removing any want for conversation. As they pulled to a stop, Peridot overcame any shyness and quickly threw her arms around Lapis in a bear hug.

“Thanks for just hanging out with me.”

“Yeah, any time.” Lapis returned the embrace, feeling remarkably calm. “Thanks for being a good friend.” With that she got out of the car, grabbing her guitar and waving good-bye enthusiastically. As soon as Peridot pulled out of sight, Lapis became very aware of the goofy grin on her face. She tried to shake it off, but it only returned, just as goofy as the first time.

_ Shit _ .

Lapis groaned most of the walk home, her brain starting and stopping on several different subjects all at once, each leading momentarily back to Peridot before blinking out of existence again. Was she a problem or the answer to one? As far as Lapis was concerned, yes. The sight of her aunt’s mobile home in their driveway buoyed her spirits somewhat. She’d be the woman with an answer.

Lapis pounded on the door, revealing a somewhat tired-looking Yvonne. “Lapis, good to see you. I was worried I was going to be able to nap. Come on in.” Despite her acerbic words, her aunt’s smile was loving.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want that.”

“Did you say hi to your mom yet?”

“No, I figured I’d talk to you first.”

Yvonne grabbed a beer from her minifridge and passed it to her niece. “So what’s up? How was the recording today?”

“Didn’t happen,” she replied casually as she slugged back her beer.

“Well, you were gone for quite a while. Did you two just sit in a room and pick each other’s noses?”

Lapis made a noise of disgust at the mental image her aunt conjured up. “God, no. Shit. No, I just, um, accidentally came out to her.”

Her aunt’s eyes widened before she snorted in laughter. “Believe me hon, that’s the easiest way to do it. Besides, in a few months, it’ll also be much funnier.”

“That’s besides the point, though. She’s the first person I ever actually came out to. Azura guessed correctly, and there’s no way in hell you would have ever missed that.”

Yvonne smiled knowingly but said nothing.

“So, yeah, I came out to her, and it was messy, so we went to the creek, and,  _ dude _ ,” Lapis ranted as she flung her arms out, “this girl is really cute! Like, she’s a fuzzball!”

“I can feel the ‘but’ from a while away.”

Lapis’ arms sunk down slowly. “But, I’m pretty sure she’s straight.”

“What makes you say that?”

Lapis went through Peridot’s response to her coming out.

“Well, she could just be sheltered. Either way, you didn’t come here for speculation. You wanted some gay words of wisdom.”

“Please?”

“Sure, but you won’t like it. Move on.”

“What?”

Yvonne let out a dry chuckle. “Told you. Lapis, if she’s straight, you can’t change that, and any attempt on your end to do so would be cruel to yourself and ugly and disrespectful to her.”

“So, I just give up?”

“I don’t mean abandon her. Be her friend, record with her, hell, go on a road trip with her for all I care. What I’m saying is, don’t get hung up on a crush that can’t happen. You’re just going to get both of you hurt if you do.”

Lapis slumped, sipping the dregs of her beer. “Harsh.”

“But you know I”m right.”

She nodded and belched, flashing a lopsided grin at her aunt. “Sorry, I was overcome with emotions.”

Yvonne let out an impatient sigh. “Lapis, it’s fine if you are. It can be rough.”

Lapis stood up, rolling her neck, enjoying the look on Yvonne’s face when it popped. “Nah, you’re right” She paused, looking over at her aunt earnestly. “Seriously, thanks. I needed to hear that.”

“Well, I’m always happy to help. God knows I had all of your questions at some point.”

Lapis ducked into her aunt’s fridge, skimming another beer. “Speaking of you, how’s mom and everyone?”

“You can walk ten feet to find that out.” Lapis shot her aunt a look. “More of the same. A couple of little squabbles with your mom. Really, nothing new.”

“And Azura?”

“Standoffish as ever. I swear, I have no idea what I ever did to that girl.”

Lapis drank greedily. “Beats me.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter at the moment, does it? Shall we head on in for dinner?”

“Ugh, please. Emotions make me hungry.”

Dinner was quiet, each pair of sisters more focused on the food in front of them than anyone else at the table. Lapis’ sentiment was a shared one, it seemed. As soon as the food was devoured, Bronagh and Yvonne went outside, already chatting quietly about memories made decades before Azura and Lapis existed. It was their custom to walk through the town in the evening, enjoying the last few lights in the shops as they closed for the night. Lapis and Azura, for their part, were parked in front of the TV, some iced tea in hand. They had their own rituals.

“Aunt Yvonne said that she and Mom had a few little fights today.”

“Yeah, nothing serious. Worst was whether or not Blue Diamond Coffee should carry new teas or not.”

“Don’t you look forward to that, Azura? I can’t wait to choke you out over what beers to buy someday.”

“Delightful.”

The two sat quietly, watching some kid’s show about a boy with magical powers. 

“You know, Aunt Yvonne knows there’s something up with you.”

“There’s nothing up with me.” Azura sipped at her beer, looking at the TV intensely. 

“Dude, when’s the last time you actually called her ‘aunt’?”

“It flows off my tongue better to call her Yvonne.”

“You’ve never spent a night in the RV.”

“My back gets sore.”

“So does mine, I don’t complain.”

Azura pushed her bangs up to properly glare at her sister. “I’m fine, she’s fine, drop this.”

“That’s a pretty fussy ‘fine’”.

“Changing topics now, how was today’s recording?”

“Oh, nonexistent.” Lapis laid out what had happened, omitting the details of napping by the creek. She’d get around to that later. Maybe.

Azura smiled wryly.“Congratulations, you officially did the thing!”

“Sure, only in the most traumatic way possible.”

“But you’re alive.”

“Barely.” Lapis sipped her tea, already not liking the way the conversation was going. She could see Azura was about to say something and made a quick show of looking for the remote. “Time for a new show. This kid cries too much.”

Azura paid no mind to Lapis’ interruption. “I’m just saying--”

“Hey, if you can drop it with Yvonne, I can drop this, alright?”

The two sat quietly, finishing their tea. Enough had been said.

The next morning, clouds painted the sky a lovely grey, swirling as far as the eye could see. Lapis loved it. If she was really lucky, it’d rain and she’d just move to under the gazebo. No one would be by to pay, but it didn’t matter. She said her good-byes and launched out the door.

Sure enough, a few hours into the day, rain started to come down, thick and blinding. Lapis rushed under the awning and made sure everything was dry. Once she was assured, she began to strum slowly and repetitively. She had no idea what she was playing; all that mattered was that it was like the rain that surrounded her. The melody started off slow and thrumming, her thumb striking the lower strings hard. As the rain grew heavier, roaring with triumph as it fell to the earth, Lapis began to play faster, focusing harder on the melody. It was a bit stilted, but it got through what she needed to get through.

Sure enough, Lapis could feel a few tears prickle at the corner of her eyes. The rain’s crashing only grew in volume, until it threatened to wash away her entire town, and Lapis could only smile as tears slid down her cheeks. 

After what was easily an hour of playing, Lapis put her guitar in its case, the lump in her throat still painful. The rain was as strong as it had ever been, but she didn’t need to play anymore. As she sat in the relative dryness of the gazebo, her mind turned back to Peridot, a place it had been a lot lately. 

God, this crush was starting to irritate her. She knew Aunt Yvonne was right. If Peridot was straight, there was no point in letting her infatuation fester any more. Why was she even this giddy? She was cute, sure, but they had barely started to get to know each other. Maybe it was just because Lapis was starved for a friend. Or maybe it was because Peridot had been so kind to her. Kind of went with the first bit, but whatever. Obviously, Lapis was projecting feelings that she had no business dealing with, and it was just a matter of sorting it out appropriately. Simple stuff.

Except that the thought of Peridot falling asleep on her shoulder was about to drive her out of her freaking skull. Even in her most tender moments with Jasper, which were admittedly few, there was never that sense of safety. She felt totally relaxed and strangely petrified around Peridot all at once, and she wasn’t quite sure how that was possible. 

Lapis grumbled a little as she noticed the rain starting to thin out. The rain never stuck around quite long enough for her, even when it rained for days at a time. 

She waited a little longer, then grabbed her guitar. She wasn’t sure where she wanted to go, but staying still with her thoughts was starting to make her anxious. One foot followed the other as she wandered aimlessly, not seeing the sidewalk in front of her.

When she found herself in front of Jasper’s gas station, she couldn’t help but grin a little. Why the hell not? The door beeped as she pushed her way in, and Jasper gave her a confused look.

“Damn, twice in two days? You must miss me.” 

“Keep flattering yourself. Just didn’t have anything better to do.”

“Fair.” Jasper leaned forward on the counter. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

Lapis knew what she meant immediately. “Being in the same room as you and not screaming? Fucking alien.” It was a conversation they had had repeatedly.

Jasper snorted. “You’re telling me. Did I tell you I started going to a counselor?”

“No shit?”

“Yeah.” Jasper looked as if she was going to say something else, but stayed silent. Lapis understood it all too well. Despite being on good terms with each other, they had never taken the time to actually apologize to each other. Jasper had never asked for one, and she didn’t want to give one or hear it herself. There was an unspoken mutual agreement: no need to apologize, high school was shit.

Jasper began to sort candy idly. “Everything good at home?”

“Yeah. Mom’s pretty spacy and cranky, but it’s cool.”

“Wait, don’t tell me, Queen of the Gays is back in town.”

“Yup.” 

“I’d say tell her hi for me, but considering that she probably wants to kill me, I’ll stay quiet.”

“Oh, relax, Jazz. There’s no maybe about it.”

The two laughed for a moment before the tension grew back just as thick. Jasper cleared her throat.

“Who was that blonde chick yesterday?”

“Peridot, she’s helping me with my music.”

Jasper let out a bit of a guffaw. “What’s with the rock names in this town?”

“I’m telling you, it’s a conspiracy.”

“Whatever.” Jasper’s grin grew wicked. “So, any luck with her?”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “God, you have such a one track mind.”

“I’m a thirsty lesbian in Podunk, Texas, sue me.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, I’m pretty sure she’s straight.”

“Oh, so there’s a chance!”

“Don’t even.” Lapis pulled away from the counter before the larger woman could respond, settling on a handful of mexican twinkies. Jasper rang her up in silence, waving good-bye with a smirk that only made Lapis roll her eyes harder. 

The sun had begun to melt the clouds away, and the humidity was toxic. Lapis distinctly remembered a trip the family had made to Houston once; she counted her blessings that where she was, the humidity might actually go away at some point.

As she walked home, a melody began to take root in her head. A bit droning, but it worked. She began to whisper some words to herself:

_ Maybe _

_ If I lived in the city _

_ I’d be better, so better _

_ Instead _

_ I’m trapped in this town _

_ And it’s numbing, so numbing _

Not bad. Perhaps a bit obvious. She grabbed her phone and began to type, saving the lyrics for later. She’d edit them when she got a chance. Hopefully Peridot liked them.

Ugh, there was that stupid butterfly feeling again. Maybe she could drown them out with some beer when she got inside.

Inside, Yvonne and Branagh were sitting at the kitchen table, discussing something in hushed tones. Azura sat on the couch, beer in hand, watching cartoons. 

“Oh, sweetie, how was the rain?” Bronagh looked even more tired than usual, and Yvonne didn’t look much better. Whatever peace had been made on their walk last night had been quickly voided.

“Pretty good. Didn’t get the guitar wet, so that’s nice.” Lapis mumbled her words and made a beeline for the couch.

“More fighting today?”

“You know it. Would you believe it, Y-- _ Aunt _ Yvonne brought up the tea again.”

“Give me five bucks and I’ll bring it up right now.”

“I’ve only got a nickel. Oh, last beer.”

“Oh, fuck you.” She punched her sister’s shoulder lightly. 

Azura stifled a snicker and turned the cartoons up. 

“Wait, did you call her Aunt Yvonne?”

Azura grinned a little but made no other response.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

The weekend passed much the same, with Lapis playing in the morning and chilling with her sister in the evenings. Bronagh and Yvonne both looked progressively more ragged. As little as they actually fought in front of the girls, they could always be heard just around the corner, sniping at each other in barely hushed tones. When Yvonne had criticized Bronagh’s tea selection for a third time, the two actually retired to Yvonne’s RV for the evening, shutting out Lapis from her favorite bed. Monday morning, then, came as a welcome reprieve.

Peridot was sitting on the hood of her car when Lapis showed up, waving excitedly. “Hey! Hey!”

Lapis’ stomach did a somersault and she felt her face fall into a grin that would be dopey by anyone’s standards. Goddammit.

“Hey yourself, ready to go at it?”

“Ready Freddy!” Peridot wiggled with excitement as she slid off her hood and got into the vehicle. Jesus, it was like she was trying extra-hard to be cute now.

The trip to Peridot’s house was mercifully fast. Pumpkin greeted them at the door, and Lapis exchanged a few pleasantries with Olive before they slipped upstairs.

“Your mom is pretty chill,” Lapis noted as they set up.

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool. Kind of high strung, to be perfectly honest.”

“How’s that?”

“She just gets weird about keeping stuff clean. Remember how I said she hates the studio door? She nearly came at it with an axe when she saw that I had painted it.”

“Are you sure that’s not just because you painted it without her knowing?”

Peridot paused. “I never thought of that, actually.”

Lapis chuckled under her breath as she tuned her guitar. Of course not.

Soon enough, the computer was on and all the microphones were where they needed to be.

“Alright! I’ll leave you to it!” Peridot turned to leave.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, remember last time?”

Lapis shook her head. “No, you should stay this time, I’ve been practicing.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.”

“Stay.” She pointed at the ground firmly, with a wide smile.

“Cool!” Peridot sat criss-cross, resting her head on her hands as she watched Lapis.

Crap. Lapis felt her fingers grow clumsy before she even tried to play. Still, she cleared her throat and began to strum the first few chords of a simple song.

_ Is she lonely? _

_ Is her bed empty? _

_ Or did she fill it _

_ With someone like me? _

Peridot closed her eyes, listening with a smile on her face. Lapis’ voice cracked a little, but she kept pushing forward.

_ San Antonio _

_ I call your name _

_ But does she notice _

_ When I call hers? _

As she kept strumming the four-chorder, Lapis’ voice grew louder and bolder. It was an older song of hers, one she knew well. It had been one of the first songs she’d shown her aunt, which naturally made it a personal favorite. Lapis found herself swaying gently as she approached the last few lines of the song.

_ San Antonio _

_ Does your moon shine? _

_ Or have the clouds _

_ Pulled over you? _

The last chord rang in the quiet room, and Lapis breathed a sigh of relief.

“That was so pretty!!” Peridot jumped up and waved her arms excitedly, nearly taking out a mic stand. She tried to start several sentences at once, resulting in a jumbled mess that neither of them understood. After several more attempts to force words out, she settled with a bashful “good job”.

“Let’s listen to it, there are a few parts I want to try again.” Lapis wrapped her arms around her guitar, holding it tight. She felt ecstatic.

A couple of hours later, they decided to call it a day. Lapis was positively buzzing. After a round of stage fright and an almost (okay, no almost) meltdown, they had finally had a productive session!

“Dude, again, you’re the best.” Peridot’s face reddened a little at the praise.

“I try.” As they were packing up, Peridot made an expression like some wires had finally crossed in her brain. “Hey, Lapis?”

“Yuh?”

“Did you write any of these songs for Jasper?”

Lapis snorted violently. “Never in a million years. Why?”

“I was just thinking about that first song we did today.”

“Nah, that one’s old as hell.”

“Was it written for anyone?”

“Not really. It’s just gay and pretty.” She winked at Peridot. “Like me.”

“R-right.” Peridot cleared her throat, unsure where to take the conversation. “Have you ever written a song for someone?”

Lapis zipped up her guitar case and thought for a second. “I don’t think so. More so how I’d want to feel about someone, if that makes sense.”

Peridot turned her head to the side quizzically. “You’d want to feel sad about her filling up her bed?”

“No, just-- Like, the possibility that I could get that sad over someone.”

“I’m guessing Jasper didn’t make you sad?”

Usually, a line of questioning like this would leave Lapis feeling defensive at best and downright hostile on any other given day. For some reason, though, she didn’t mind answering Peridot’s questions. “Honestly, a little. By the end, we both realized how terrible we were being to each other. I was probably the meaner one. Her family knew what was going on. I didn’t even tell Azura how bad it was.”

Peridot said nothing, deep in thought. When she spoke again, however, her brain had clearly gone somewhere else:

“So, what are you going to do with the album when we’re done with it?”

“What do you mean? I’ll sell it.”

“Well yeah, but did you want to try to send it off to anyone?”

Lapis froze in her steps, her hand just about to grab her guitar. She hadn’t ever actually thought that far ahead. She realized that she had just assumed stardom would happen. Where would she go with all this? Lapis had a sudden mental image of herself still playing in the gazebo in five years, selling dusty CDs. She audibly gulped. No way in hell was she letting that happen; there had to be an actual plan. As she pondered, she thought of her aunt.

_ Go to Austin if you’re serious about this. _

“Austin.”

“What’s that?”

Lapis looked up at Peridot, eyes gleaming. “I’ll go to Austin! I’ll take a bunch of copies with me, and I’ll play all the bars and coffee shops.”

Peridot made a face. “San Antonio is the closest city, though.”

“Yeah, but it’s not Austin. If I want to get somewhere with this, I’ve got to go after the big dogs.” She struck a pose like a ship’s captain or a triumphant pilot. Peridot shrugged, unimpressed.

“Fair enough. You should also start thinking about album art.” 

“Ooh, good point. I’ll doodle some stuff tonight.” Peridot smiled weakly and continued to put stuff up. As Lapis watched her move, words tumbled from her mouth unbidden:

“We should grab dinner tonight, do you want dinner? I could eat dinner.” She rambled, her eyes widening as she heard herself talk. She had just asked Peridot out on a date, shit shit  _ shit _ .

Peridot beamed at her. “Sure! Where do you want to go?”

Lapis felt the knot in her chest slowly untie itself. It had not been received as a date. Crisis averted. “Ever been to The Heifer?”

The Heifer was situated in a run down building on the farthest south part of town, sandwiched into an otherwise residential area. The outside was weathered and more flyers and stickers than wood, and the inside had been painted with garish depictions of dogs reenacting every major piece of art from the last two centuries. None of this was important though. All that mattered were the wontons.

Lapis ordered two servings of her favorite treat, alongside a hemp burger and their homemade raspberry lemonade. Peridot, intimidated by the small-print menu, opted for a bowl of mac and cheese, opting for something lighter than her friend’s indulgence. When their meals arrived and Peridot’s light meal turned out to be the size of her head and slathered in barbecue sauce, she began to splutter. 

“Stars, Lapis, what are they doing here? This is ridiculous!”

Lapis made no response, her mouth already full with three wontons. After she had finished chewing, she couldn’t help but laugh. “My dude, I still can’t believe you’ve never been here. But how have you never heard  _ anything _ about these guys?”

Peridot poked at her bowl, pouting. “I don’t ever eat out! Like, I’ve only been to McDonald’s once.”

Lapis stared at her friend as she began to cram food in her mouth. “Wait, like, never never?”

“Not really . . .”

“Please tell me that you’ve at least had chinese food before.”

“Well, yeah! But it’s all homemade. My mom is really big on that.”

Lapis shook her head slowly. “I see now that it’s my sworn duty to corrupt your tastebuds. Speaking of, want a wonton? It’s like, soaked in sweet and sour sauce.”

“I’m just going to try to make a dent in this behemoth.” Peridot looked around, embarrassed that someone might see her eating.

“Dude, just go for it, no one cares how you look here.” Lapis motioned a fork at the table across from them, where a dude in a fedora and a flaming t-shirt was utterly demolishing some cheesy fries. Lapis couldn’t help but begin to giggle as she recognized him as the dreadlock guy who had lectured her on her music earlier.

She turned back to Peridot to share her recognition, but was stopped short by the sight of the smaller girl disconnecting her bottom jaw and inhaling the mac and cheese. 

“So, what do you think of The Heifer?” Lapis smirked.

Peridot wiped at her mouth, her bashfulness returning. “Okay, it is pretty good.”

Lapis grinned, taking a massive bite out of her burger. “Told you.”

Peridot didn’t bother to respond, happily munching away. As far as first dates went, this one was pretty unconventional.

Lapis swallowed her burger a little hard. This was not a first date. This was two friends hanging out and celebrating a good day’s work. Lapis looked over at Peridot and decided to press her luck.

“Can I ask you something?”

Peridot nodded, her mouth full.

“What’s your deal?”

She gave her a confused look, swallowing. “What do you mean?”

“Like, my deal is girls,” Lapis whispered, “what’s yours?”

Peridot sat quiet, thinking. Lapis smiled patiently, her hands gripping one another tight under the table. 

She finally looked up and shrugged, grinning innocently. “Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I never really thought about it before. I don’t think it matters too much, though. It’s just something I’ll figure out soon enough.” She sipped her drink, proud of her little discovery.

Lapis frowned, stirring her drink slowly. “I wish I could do that. Not care.”

“Why?”

“Why not? It’d make life so much freaking easier. Instead I have to pretend not to care when I really, painfully care. It’s bullshit.”

Peridot shrugged again. “If you’ve pretended not to care this long and it’s been easy, maybe not caring will be just as easy.”

“This conversation is starting to hurt my head.”

They turned their attention to their food, both more aware of what a daunting task they had signed up for. They both ended up with full to-go boxes and a slight waddle as they left.

This time, Peridot dropped Lapis off in front of her house, something much appreciated. As she made her way painfully up the driveway, still stuffed to the gills, she saw her aunt climbing into the RV with a box of pastries under her arm, which meant only one thing.

“Already?” Lapis didn’t bother to make her question sound non-accusatory.

Yvonne’s smile was barely put together. “Sorry, dear. I’ll try to stick around a little longer next time. I’m not going too far anyways, only to El Paso.”

“Wow, only an eight hour drive!”

Yvonne’s smile warmed up a little and she pulled Lapis into an uncomfortably tight hug.

“Aunt Yvonne, I just got back from The Heifer, I’m about to pop.”

Yvonne let go, hesitantly. “I’ve already said bye to everyone else. I’m just glad I caught you before I left. You have my number, call anytime. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Lapis smiled back at her aunt waveringly, only holding onto it until Yvonne had climbed into her vehicle. As the RV rumbled down out of their driveway and pulled away, Lapis felt very alone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

Lapis drove through town, humming a breezy little tune to herself. Mom had taken Azura in to work that morning, leaving her with a car to use for the first time in what felt like forever. She had called Peridot early that day, telling her she’d be able to drag herself over, which was naturally met with innocent joy. 

Two weeks had gone by since Aunt Yvonne’s departure. Bronagh had definitely calmed down, but was still as absent as ever, as far as Lapis was concerned. Not that she was, particularly. Her month was just about up, and all of her attention was on the album. The last several sessions had been more than productive, with Lapis actually able to play well, and Peridot cheerfully working her magic. She had played a few of the more finished tracks, and both were quite pleased with the results.

Olive was out front with Pumpkin, watering some plants, when Lapis pulled in. No sooner was she out of her car than the dog was at her feet, sniffing and wagging her tail excitedly. 

“Morning, Lapis.” Peridot’s mom always seemed happy to see her. “She’s upstairs, working on some new songs. She said to just send you up when you got here.”

“Thanks, Olive.” Lapis gave Pumpkin a few more pats and slipped into the house, racing up the stairs to the studio. 

Inside, Peridot sat in front of her computers, an oversized pair of headphones around her neck. She didn’t seem to notice Lapis come in; instead, she stared at the screen, muttering something to herself as she clicked around. She put the headphones back on and clicked once more, eventually nodding in restrained approval at whatever she was doing. As she took off her headphones, she finally noticed Lapis and immediately rushed over to give her a hug.

“Hey! How was traffic?”

“Nonexistent, like always.” Lapis put down her guitar, returning the affection. When Peridot finally let go, she pointed over to the Macs. “So what are you working on?”

The blonde’s face lit up as she practically dragged her over to the setup. “It’s not much, but I’ve been doing some remixes lately. Have you ever heard of Joji?”

The name sounded familiar, so Lapis just shrugged. 

Peridot handed the headphones over to Lapis, pressing play as soon as she saw they were on. There was a clanking sound, like chains, and an extremely distorted man’s voice began to pipe in.

_ Give me reasons we should be complete _

_ You should be with him I can’t compete _

_ You looked at me like I was someone else _

The beat was slow and methodical, the clanking slowly giving way to a quiet piano riff backed by very synthetic drums. His voice would occasionally glitch out, and the piano warbled like it had been recorded many years prior.

“Nice!” Lapis nodded her head slowly, enjoying the weird sounds. “Kind of reminds me of your song that you showed me.”

Peridot scoffed. “I wish! That’d be incredible if I sounded half as good as Joji.”

“Trust me, I definitely think you’re more than halfway there.” Lapis placed her hand on Peridot’s shoulder, and the two made eye contact for a longer amount of time than either felt was necessary. When Peridot finally broke it, she stammered a little.

“Actually, I had something else I wanted to show you today, before we started recording.” She clicked on a file named “her2”.

Lapis recognized the name immediately. “Hey, that’s the one I was playing when we met! Is it all polished already?”

Peridot’s face was growing more and more crimson by the second. “Not completely.” She hit ‘play’, and the sound of static filled Lapis’ ears. The static began to layer back on itself slightly, and Peridot’s ukulele came in alongside her unique voice:

_ Maybe it’s the way she wrinkles her nose _

_ Or maybe the grin when she’s touching her toes _

_ To show off _

_ For me, for me, for me _

Lapis’ eyes widened as she continued to listen. It was her song, but Peridot had done it as only she could do. The original was soft and acoustic, but Peridot had layered all sorts of ambient noise underneath her version, creating a raw, brokenhearted sound. She was almost jealous of how different and how good it sounded.

“Peridot,” Lapis breathed, “this is beautiful!”

“It’s okay. I just really liked your version and kinda wanted to see how I’d do it, you know?” She was stammering as she spoke, wringing her hands together. Lapis had never seen her nervous like that. “Like, the words are just . . . good. If you want, I can delete it.”

“Oh, hell no. You wanna know what I think? I think this should be a bonus track.”

If Lapis thought Peridot had been stammering before, she certainly was now.

“No way! It’s your album, it’s your songs. I don’t want to hijack that!”

“I wrote the song, didn’t I?”

“Well, yeah, but--”

“So, it’s still my song. You’re just my guest artist.” She leaned forward as she said this, until their noses were nearly touching. Peridot jerked back a little, clearly stunned.

“Only if it’s okay with you,” she mumbled.

“It’s very, very okay.” Lapis looked over at her guitar, still in its case. “How close are we to done, speaking of?”

“Well, I still need to balance everything, and there’s a few spots we need to re-record, but if I can keep my head above the water, my work will be done in a week, and we’ll be completely finished in three weeks. Tops.”

“Perfect. Let’s take some time off.”

“Excuse me?”

Lapis was already pulling out her phone, looking for something. “We’ve been busting our humps this last week. We can start in an hour or so; right now, let’s just chill a little bit.” Lapis sat down on the nearest amp, flashing a killer smile at Peridot, who sighed in response.

“One hour. We’re almost done, there’s no reason to stall out now.”

“I won’t if you won’t. Hey, if you have some paper, I can doodle some stuff for the album art.”

Peridot went to search for a paper and pencil, and Lapis set to plugging her phone into a nearby speaker. “Mind if I play something?” Peridot didn’t have time to react before she was accidentally blasted with Daniel Johnston’s awkward voice. 

“Sorry!” Lapis fussed with her phone, bringing it down to an acceptable volume. She got a bit of a look from Peridot, who placed a pad of paper in front of her.

“Who is this? The quality’s terrible.”

“Exactly! It’s Daniel Johnston.”

For a moment, they sat quietly, listening:

_ You’ll never know dear, the tears that I cried _

_ I don’t wanna wait, girl,‘til the day that I die _

_ Tell me now, whoa-oh _

_ Do you really love me? _

“Not bad. It’s kinda amateurish.” Peridot’s expression remained skeptical.

“That’s kind of the point. He produced most of his stuff himself on a boom box.” Lapis’ expression was more admiring. 

“Okay, that kind of makes sense.” 

They were quiet for a few more minutes, “Do You Really Love Me?” giving way to “Walking the Cow”, which was even lower quality; Peridot’s face had shifted to amusement. Lapis was content to watch her face, nodding quietly along to the song. When Johnston gave way to Hozier, however, her attention was immediately redirected.

“Yesssss,” Lapis hissed as the Irishman began to sing “To Noise Making (Sing)”, mouthing along to the words. She was quick to turn up the volume.

_ Remember when you’d sing _

_ For the fuck of it? _

“Who’s this?” Peridot asked politely, and was immediately chastised by a look of horror from Lapis.

“Bruh. We’ve been hanging out for  _ how long _ and I haven’t shown you Hozier?” She bowed her head in mock mourning. “I owe you an apology.”

Peridot was now thoroughly confused, much to Lapis’ peculiar delight. “I’m guessing he’s someone you’re into . . .”

“That’s putting it lightly.” Lapis grabbed her phone, scrolling furiously. “If you’re gonna keep hanging out with lesbians, you need to learn to appreciate the bog god.”

Peridot wasn’t able to ask what that seeming word salad had meant before Lapis made a small sound of triumph and another song began to play. A booming drum gave way to a lilting guitar riff, and Hozier began to sing in a dreamy manner:

_ True that I saw her hair like the branch of a tree, _

_ Willow dancing on air before covering me, _

_ Under garden and calicos; _

_ Over canopies that was long ago. _

Peridot bobbed her head as she listened, clearly enjoying herself, Lapis grinning peacefully as she listened to her favorite song. The drums suddenly picked back up again, and the song was much louder, a driving urgency taking hold as the chorus began.

_ And it’s not tonight _

_ When I’m set alight. _

_ I’m blinking so; _

_ Your blinding light. _

At this point, Lapis stood up, swaying back and forth more noticeably, Peridot soon joining her on her feet. As the second verse started and the melody quieted down again, Lapis began to dance in an overly dramatic manner, her arms flailing about in a manner not unlike if a scarecrow decided to take up ballet. She didn’t care, however, laughing as her dancing grew less and less self-aware, more for her own enjoyment. Soon she found Peridot dancing next to her, in front of her, her awkward shuffling growing more and more sure in itself until they were gleefully dancing around the room, laughing and spinning. Lapis took hold of Peridot’s hands, who only laughed and held tight. When the song ended, they nearly collapsed to the floor, breathless but very happy.

“Okay, I get it. Hozier’s awesome.” Peridot waved a hand in Lapis’ direction, still catching her breath. “What else do you got?”

Lapis laughed, her attention shifting to the blank piece of paper in front of her. Some ideas had come to her. “If you want to play anything, go right ahead.” Peridot immediately hopped on, playing some more of Joji’s music as Lapis drew, her sketchy little doodles slowly growing together. Peridot found a seat next to her, where she sat in silence for nearly an hour, content to watch Lapis draw.

Lapis pulled into her driveway humming to herself. Her mood was as high as it had ever been: the album was finished! They had gotten the last of the recordings necessary done. All that was left was for Peridot to work her magic, and they’d be good to go. For a few minutes, Lapis just sat in the car, staring through the windshield at nothing in particular. It still felt unreal to her. After years of busking for pocket change, she finally stood a chance at something bigger and better. And it was all thanks to Peridot.

Lapis’ heart fluttered for a second. The more and more they hung out, the less sure Lapis was that Peridot was anything approaching straight. Her mind turned to their impromptu dance session, Peridot pressed close to her at several moments in the song, and she felt her face catch fire. Whatever was happening there, she didn’t particularly mind it.

Her revery was broken by a knocking on her window. Lapis looked up to see Azura, waving at her, and rolled the window down.

“Yes, sister of mine, what’s up?”

“You were spacing out here pretty bad, figured I’d better bring you back to Earth.”

“Sorry, lots on my plate.”

“Oh?”

Lapis couldn’t sit on her excitement, and began to get out of the car so she could properly face Azura. “We finished the album today! I mean, Peridot’s still putting it all together, but I’m done!” Azura grabbed her hands, and the two shared a moment of jabbered, excited noises.

“Lapis! I’m so proud of you! I can’t wait to see it in your hands!”

“You’re getting a copy, Mom’s getting a copy, the whole city of Austin’s gonna get a copy!” Lapis yelled this last part, raising her hands high in the air in a sign of triumph. Azura, however, pulled her hands back quickly, where they fell to her sides.

“What?” Azura breathed the word, barely audible, and Lapis’ brief sensation of victory suddenly felt a bit more tenuous.

“Azura, you didn’t think I was going to just hand out CDs while I busk in the plaza, right?” Her words felt unconvincing in her mouth, and it looked like they were landing just as poorly.

“Alright. So when were you going to tell us? When were you going to tell me?” Azura crossed her arms in front of herself, and Lapis felt her breath catch as she realized her sister looked more than a little bit like their mother.

“It’s a new idea, honestly. I was going to tell you soon, before I left!”

“Oh, thanks! Here I was thinking we were going to get a Dear John letter.”

“C’mon, you’re being unfair.”

“I’m being unfair? Did you stop to think for a second what Mom’s reaction would be? Lapis, I’m thrilled for you, believe me.” Her voice faltered as she took her sister’s hands in her own, peering out at her from under her bangs. “But you need to tell Mom about this. Tonight.”

Lapis looked down at her feet, refusing to look up. Azura was right, and she hated it with every fiber of her being. As soon as she went inside, she was going to have a conversation she’d never willingly have.

Lapis took a deep breath, giving her sister a weak smile. The two went inside, their door shutting behind them loudly, the noise hanging in the air for a split second before dying out in the evening mugginess.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.  
> CW: Verbal and physical fighting; general high emotions.

Bronagh was laying down on the couch, chuckling to herself as she watched an old movie. When her daughters entered, she waved an absent-minded hand, her attention on the TV. Azura clapped Lapis’ shoulder and went to her room, leaving Lapis feeling a bit like she was going in for a job interview.

“Hey, Mom.” She came up behind the couch, drumming her fingers on its wooden frame.

“Yes, dear, how was your day?” Bronagh had yet to look away from the screen.

“Good, but I need to talk to you.”

Bronagh clicked the television off, turning to face her daughter. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’ve just been thinking lately, about what I want to do.”

“Want to do? How’s that?”

“You know, for my future.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good, what did you have in mind?” Bronagh wore an utterly neutral smile.

Lapis stammered, trying to collect her thoughts. “I was thinking, maybe, at some point, even possibly at some point soon, maybe, I could move to Austin?”

“Some point soon.” It was not a question.

“Yeah, maybe even in a month or two?” Lapis’ voice cracked and her statement was mostly whispered.

Bronagh stared at her daughter for a second, her face slowly falling. “And what’s in Austin for you?”

Lapis could feel herself faltering under her mom’s gaze. “Just, it’s a big city, and I could maybe do more with my music, and--”

“I think it’s a bit sudden.” Bronagh cut her off, turning back to the TV, fumbling with the remote to try and turn it on. “Don’t you have fun playing here in town?”

There it was. “It’s not about whether or not I’m having fun,” she grumbled through gritted teeth, “it’s about the opportunities.” She felt her nails digging into the couch. She was not about to be dismissed one more time. “Let’s be honest, Mom, I don’t have any opportunities here.”

Bronagh put down the remote, now standing up to fully address her daughter, her patient veneer now unfastened. “If you’re so desperate for a big city move, why not San Antonio? As far as I can see, you’re doing just fine here.”

Lapis brought down a fist into the couch, the cushions rendering her blow pointless. “I would be doing better in Austin!” 

“Lapis, you will not raise your voice at me.” Bronagh’s eyes were dangerously narrow. “It seems to me that maybe Yvonne has put some foolish ideas in your head; I’m going to tell you now, I don’t care what little daydreams you’ve been having, I refuse to let you run away to Austin.”

“Oh, so this is her fault.” Lapis laughed, a dry, grating sound. “At least Aunt Yvonne listens to me! At least I can actually tell her half of the shit I’m dealing with! You don’t even pretend to listen. It’s just a pat on the head and a ‘there, there’. When are you actually going to fucking talk to us?”

“Lapis Lazuli, watch your tongue! I refuse to have this conversation if you won’t be civil.”

“No, you just refuse to have conversations, period, because you’re too busy crying over your dead sister.” Bronagh’s eyes widened, but she said nothing. “It’s been thirty years, Mom. Grow up and get over it.” Lapis spat her words with an almost gleeful sort of venom, fully aware of what she was saying.

For a moment, the only sound was silence, deafening. Then Bronagh turned out of the room, heading into her bedroom and slamming the door behind her. Lapis slumped down into the couch, punching the cushion next to her. That had gone just great. 

Her anger only flared up when her sister stormed into the room, clearly on the verge of tears. “Lapis, what is your  _ fucking _ problem?” Her fists were clenched, and her voice was quavering dangerously. For all of her fury, she spoke in nearly whispered tones.

“Go away, Azura, I’m not in the mood for a lecture.” Lapis edged past her sister, beelining for the fridge. A beer would help. 

Azura was not about to let it drop. She grabbed Lapis’ shoulder, turning her around roughly. “No. You don’t get to storm off and throw a fit this time. You need to go apologize.”

“For what? She started this shit. Hell, she started it before we were even born. Why do you always have to defend her?”

“Why do you always have to be so selfish? You’re so busy thinking about this, this  _ stupid _ album you don’t bother to think about anyone else. I’m so glad you got what you wanted, it’ll be real nice seeing you hawk your CD at McDonald’s in ten years.”

Lapis saw red, and shoved her sister hard. “Shut up!”

Azura stumbled back, crashing into the couch hard enough to nearly fall over it. She caught her balance at the last second, and the tears that had been threatening to fall now did so copiously. “Why do you hate Mom so much?”

“God, Azura, I don’t hate her, of course I don’t. But you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that she’s been there for us when we needed her.” Lapis wiped her own frustrated tears from her eyes. “She’s been at a funeral for the last thirty years, and I’m getting sick of waiting for her to come back. Maybe you have the patience for that. I don’t. I’m finishing this album, and I’m gone to Austin.”

Azura scoffed. “Glad to know we mean so much to you. You act like you’re so punished by her, so held back by this town. Go to Austin. I hope you find everything you need there.” She turned and went to her room, slamming the door hard behind her.

Lapis ignored her sister, grabbing the beer she had been looking for. After three of them, she fell asleep on the couch.

The next few weeks around the house were near silent. Lapis and Azura refused to speak to each other, and Bronagh floated around the house like a ghost, not talking to anyone. Lapis still went out to the gazebo to busk, but not many people wanted to give money to the girl nearly scream-singing “Au Revoir”. She would come home in the evening to find the rest of her family in self-imposed isolation, and Lapis would sleep on the couch. Once or twice, Bronagh would pass through, seemingly wanting to speak, but Lapis would glare at her and she would quietly retreat.

Finally, she got a call from Peridot: all was complete. Lapis couldn’t drive over fast enough. As soon as she pulled into Peridot’s driveway, the door swung open and Peridot and Pumpkin tumbled out to meet her. Lapis stooped to pet Pumpkin first, grinning up at her friend. It was nice to feel welcomed.

“You okay, Lapis? You look kinda tired.”

“It’s been a little weird at home.” Lapis smiled weakly and took the lead indoors. “So, you have something for me?”

Peridot’s face lit up. “Yes! Upstairs!” She dashed to the studio, leaving Lapis to slowly follow behind.

As soon as she crossed the threshold, Peridot shoved a brown paper parcel into her hands.

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Peridot wiggled with excitement, looking more like she was the one getting a gift than her. Lapis smiled, a bit more warmly, and tore the package open.

A stack of twenty CDs, with Lapis’ photocopied album art on each one, depicting two wan-looking women dancing with feet kicked up and eyes only on each other. She popped open a case. Peridot had put the track listing on the inside, and each CD had a bit of the album art copied onto it. On the disc was the name of the album:  _ The Green Door Sessions _ .

“And here’s the master. I also took the liberty of putting it on some websites, and I’ll work with you to put it up on some more later. I’ll also get you the name of the guy who did all the packaging.” Peridot carefully handed a small USB to Lapis, whose mouth was hanging wide open.

“Jesus, Peridot, you didn’t have to go to all of this trouble. I was expecting a handful to sharpie my name onto.”

“I figured you could use a head start. Want to listen to it through?”

Lapis slowly nodded, and Peridot went and clicked on her computer. Lapis’ voice started to play through the sound system, and the two huddled together to listen. 

Lapis had to hold back tears. She had heard all of these songs before, countless times. Peridot had played them back for her before at every step in the process. She knew what to expect. Listening to them as a complete album felt so damn good, though.

Peridot leaned into Lapis, and Lapis responded, without thinking, by kissing her head. It was a small gesture, easily read as friendly intimacy. Lapis knew it wasn’t, and was surprised when Peridot responded by kissing her cheek and taking her hand in hers. She had known it wasn’t either, and the room suddenly felt much cozier. Lapis squeezed Peridot’s hand, holding her tight.

As soon as the album ended, Lapis sighed, happily. “Oh my God, I can’t believe we did it.”

“Me either. It’s incredible.”

Something in Peridot’s voice caught Lapis’ attention and when she looked down, she was startled to see her crying. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Peridot hiccuped a few times, struggling to get the words out. “Please don’t go.”

Lapis felt a chill go up and down her spine. “Peridot, please don’t ask that . . .”

“Why shouldn’t I?” She pulled away, staring up at her.

“You know why I’m going. What can I find here that I won’t find there?” She rested her arms on her legs, her expression sour, not aware that Peridot had just pulled back further. “There’s nothing for me here, especially after the fight I just had at home.”

Peridot’s face hardened. “Nothing for you here?”

“Honestly, yeah. I need to take care of myself, and I don’t think I can do it here.”

Peridot’s face was now positively stony, and she stood up. “I think you should leave.”

Lapis looked up in confusion, until she realized what she had just said. “No, Peridot, I didn’t--”

“Just leave.” She busied herself at her computer, not bothering to look up. Lapis grabbed the CDs and slowly headed down the stairs.

She didn’t remember anything on the way home: one second, she was leaving Peridot, the next, she was standing in her hallway, a stack of CDs in her hands. Azura and Bronagh’s doors were both closed, and Lapis staggered to the couch, shivering. When the albums dropped from her hands to the floor with a clatter, she didn’t bother picking them up. She simply laid down and closed her eyes, willing herself into a shaky, phantom-filled sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

Lapis woke to Bronagh shaking her shoulder gently. “Lapis, wake up.”

“Wha time isit?”

“It’s noon.”

Lapis stretched out, slowly remembering the day before.“Why aren’t you at work?”

“Azura has it covered.” Bronagh stood with her fingers laced tightly together, her mouth drawn into a very thin line. “Lapis, we need to talk.”

She slowly pulled herself into an upright position, kicking at the pile of CDs at her feet. “What is there to talk about?”

Bronagh sat down carefully next to her daughter, not looking her in the eyes. “After our argument, I heard what you said to Azura.”

“Oh.” Lapis felt nauseous.

“And I didn’t realize that you felt that way.” She paused, and shook her head slowly. “No, that’s a lie. I realized all too well how much I was pushing you away, I just refused to let myself admit it. I’ve hurt you and Azura, and Yvonne, but I didn’t realize how much until now.”

Lapis stayed quiet, staring at the wall.

“I was so focused on how bad I felt, and how bad I missed Roisin, I never stopped to even think of how Yvonne felt, or how my own daughters felt. I’ve just, just dismissed you two your whole lives. I’ve been a surface level mother.” Bronagh’s voice caught in her throat for a second. She turned to face her daughter, her eyes shining. “Oh, Lapis, I’ve been so selfish for such a long time, and I need to apologize. I knew I needed to start with you, because I honestly wasn’t sure if you were going to disappear to Austin in the night. If you still do, I understand. But if you’re willing to let me, I want to try and be better to you and Azura.”

Lapis wanted to scoff and tell her mom that was exactly what she was going to do, that one apology wasn’t going to cut it. If she had been angrier or meaner, she might have even told her that it was too late to try anything. But she caught her mom’s eye. They were no longer looking over some three-decade old ghost; they were looking at her and only her. It was too much, and she dissolved into frustrated tears, sobbing into her mom’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” Bronagh spoke impossibly quietly.

Lapis couldn’t speak through her crying, and her mother held her tight, swaying gently. After she had mostly cried herself out, she still held onto her mother. “I’m sorry for what I said to you about Roisin. I’m sorry for trying to run away like that. I was just so frustrated.”

“I wasn’t listening. I’m just so sorry that it took this to get my attention.” Bronagh choked out a bitter laugh. As she sat there, her eyes slowly drifted downwards, catching the pile of CDs. “What are these?”

Lapis wiped at her eyes, sniffling as she handed her mom one. “This is why I wanted to go to Austin.”

Bronagh turned the plastic case over in her hands, her eyes widening. “Did you record this?”

“Yeah.”

“May I play it?”

Lapis shrugged. “I don’t care.”

Bronagh daintily stepped over to their CD player, setting the disc in carefully, turning it up just loud enough to hear it. For almost twenty-five minutes, Bronagh listened carefully, smiling and frowning in turn, her hands clasped together. Lapis sank deep into the couch, hating the sound of her own voice. 

Bronagh, however, sat forward more and more, until she was perched on the edge of the couch. “Lapis, dear, this is wonderful! And you want to take this to Austin?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Her eyes twinkled a bit. “You’re going to do great there.”

Lapis sat upright, startled. “Wait, what?”

“Darling, this is good. Really good. I’d be stupid to tell you to stay here and busk. I just need to ask you two things, though.” She sat back on the couch, looking at her daughter with an intensity Lapis couldn’t recognize.

“O-kay . . .”

“Are you running away from something here, or are you running to something in Austin? I don’t expect you to answer that immediately, but I’ll only accept one answer if you’re serious about this. Is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am.” Lapis felt a bit like a child in front of her mother. “What was your other question?”

Bronagh’s intensity died out immediately, replaced with a careful bashfulness. “Well, I noticed some of the songs were about girls. Were those covers?”

Lapis could feel her soul leave her body. “No . . .”

Bronagh’s eyes widened as several things suddenly fit into place. “Oh. Oh! Well, that does explain some things. Wait, have you told Yvonne yet?”

Lapis gawked at her mom, unsure how to react. “Mom, I’m gay.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“You’re okay with that? For real, not just, like, politely?”

Her mom gave her a rather incredulous look. “Sweetheart, look at your aunt. There’s no chance it could have ever been any sort of deal. Although, I thought you fancied that Hozier boy?”

Lapis couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that. “I mean, every lesbian loves Hozier.”

“Really? Well then!” Bronagh’s smile was a little weary, but Lapis knew it was more from an overload of information than from any of the information she had received. She was listening, and listening well. “Well then!” she repeated, at a loss for what to say. “I’m going to go to Blue Diamond Coffee to talk to your sister. Which, if you’re serious about Austin, it wouldn’t be a bad way to pick up some extra money.”

Lapis scoffed, without venom. “Very smooth, Mom.”

“I’m serious!” Bronagh looked like she was going to say something else, but settled for kissing her daughter on the head and gliding out the door with a purpose.

Lapis stayed put. She held one of the CDs in her hands, turning it over and over again. Well, she had come out to her mom, and she was still alive. Her mom was making an effort, something she hadn’t ever really seen before. A bitter part of her brain wondered how long it would last, but Lapis knew better than to entertain those thoughts. She had seen how sharp her mom had been; she intended to stick around.

All in all, that morning felt much like a neat little bow on her life. She was going to Austin, now with her mom’s blessings. She’d get the album out there. Punky lesbian Bon Iver was back in business. 

Lapis didn’t buy it.

The next two weeks found Lapis working at Blue Diamond Coffee on a daily basis, helping her mom with all the food prep. Once or twice she was cycled out to the front, and Bronagh was reminded quickly why that was still not a great idea. 

The atmosphere in the coffee shop had changed. Bronagh now spoke with customers more, bustling about to make sure everyone was taken care of. Yvonne had come back from El Paso impressively fast, and gleefully badgered Bronagh about her tea selection. Azura told Lapis that she had even overheard Yvonne talking about moving to San Antonio more permanently. 

Lapis thought on all this as she slowly kneaded some dough for bread, her slow kneading eventually turning to punching it as she grumbled under her breath.

“Lapis, if you’re going to punch something, I have some eggs that need to be beaten.”

“Sorry, Mom.” 

Bronagh looked over at her sulking daughter. “Dear, you’ve been here every day for three weeks now. You’re even taking care of Sunday prep. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?”

“Do I have to?”

Bronagh’s eyes sparkled. “Yes. As your mother, I’m telling you to grab your guitar and head to the gazebo. It’s a beautiful day for it.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just go home.”

“Lapis.” Bronagh placed her hand on her daughter’s shoulder softly. “Ever since you finished your album, you’ve been so quiet and serious. It’s not like you. I don’t know what’s going on, and it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me. But please get some fresh air.”

Lapis quietly set down the dough. “You guys are okay here?”

“We’ll be fine. Now go.” 

She left through the back, quietly waving to Azura, who was struggling with a handful of dolls someone had crammed into the birdcage. Azura waved back before shaking the cage violently. 

The house was quiet, and Lapis stood in her empty room, enjoying the relative still. Her gaze wandered over to the set of drawers by her bed. The albums had been shoved in there after her talk with Bronagh, save the one her mom had kept to play in the car. She grabbed three to have in her guitar case, just in case. 

The gazebo was slow. The sun, no longer at peak summer heat, still shone with a ferocity only found in Texas. Lapis’ face twisted into one of disgust as she realized she hadn’t brought a water bottle or anything with her. Perfect. Bronagh’s “fresh air” was going to kill her. 

Her first few songs were stammered through unenthusiastically. It didn’t matter; no one was walking through anyways. Lapis swore under her breath and tried to get through another song. How many weeks had it been since she had picked up her guitar? Jesus, she sounded terrible. Lapis finally gave up, slipping the guitar back into its case and shrugging it over her shoulders before heading home.

It was another week before Lapis busked again, and it was again at her mother’s edict. Lapis found herself back at the gazebo, this time with a steady stream of people walking to and from the little shops that lined Main Street. Lapis still played unenthusiastically, staring at her guitar case and watching as people threw in ones and fives intermittently. Same as ever. 

A small hand reached forward and dropped in a twenty, and Lapis nearly bit her tongue. She refused to look up.

“Any requests?” Her voice came out smaller than she meant it to.

Peridot remained silent, and Lapis began a very shaky rendition of “Holocene”:

_ And at once I knew, I was not magnificent _

_ Strayed above the highway aisle _

She still stared down at the guitar case, trying to hide how bad her voice was shaking. It didn’t help that she forgot the chords several times. She let out a small sigh of relief when she finished the song, and finally dared to look up.

Peridot was staring back at her, bags under her eyes. Her hair was messier than usual, and the shirt she wore looked like it belonged to a pair of pajamas.

“Peridot, are you wearing pajamas?”

“Yeah, rough morning. Didn’t sleep well last night.”

“I’m sorry.”

The two stared at each other for a few moments, neither sure what to say.

“You didn’t call or anything.” Peridot’s voice was uncharacteristically flat.

Lapis winced. “I’ve been working a lot lately.” 

“Saving up for Austin.”

Lapis nodded. 

“Good for you.”

“Peridot . . .”

“What? You made it pretty clear what you think of me, so what else could you want to say?” Peridot glared up at Lapis, her fists balled at her side. As she spoke, she grew angrier. “I mean, is that all I was to you? A means to an end?”

Lapis’ heart sank into her stomach. “Of course not!”

“Don’t ‘of course’ me!” A few people cast sidelong glances at Peridot’s outburst. “You tell me that I’m nothing, and then you, you just disappear! What the hell am I supposed to think?” 

Lapis couldn’t answer. 

“What am I supposed to think?” Peridot’s voice dropped, and she sounded more tired than angry.

Lapis set her guitar down. “Can I apologize, or at least try?” She took a deep breath, determined to not cry in front of Peridot.

“Sure. Go right ahead.” Peridot crossed her arms, her jaw set firmly. “Please try.”

“I said what I said in a really awful way, at a really awful time. There’s no way I could ever think of you as nothing, no matter what dumb shit I said. I was afraid, and I wanted to run away from everything.”

Peridot gave her a sidelong look. “You’re still going to Austin, though.”

“Because I think I can do something there. I’m not running away from you or my mom or anyone else, I swear.”

“So what am I supposed to do, Lapis?” Peridot sat down in the dirt next to her, and she sat down too. The shoppers, seeing the guitar being put away, quickly dispersed.

“I don’t know. I’m not even asking you to forgive me. I just need you to know how sorry I am for how selfish I was.”

Peridot looked over at Lapis, a strange look playing out on her face. “I have no reason to forgive you. You’re right, what you said was crappy.” She leaned into her friend, drawing in the dirt with her finger. “But I do know that you don’t think of me like that. And I do accept your apology.” She paused for a moment, then muttered under her breath, “And I missed you.”

Lapis let out a sigh. “Oh, my God, Peridot, thank you. I missed you too.”

“Still,” the blonde mused, “I think I have the right to ask for you to make it up to me somehow.”

“Anything, you name it. I’ll buy you meals at The Heifer until we’re ninety.”

Peridot turned a shade of green. “No way, I’m still not over last time. No, I was thinking, maybe, perhaps, you let me come to Austin with you.”

“Excuse me?”

Peridot was busy looking at cars driving by. “Just a suggestion.”

Lapis’ brain seemed to make a clicking noise. “How long have you had that on your mind?”

“Honestly? Since you first started talking about it.”

Lapis chewed on her lip. “Is following me a good enough reason to move somewhere? What about your mom?”

“Are you kidding? She’d be thrilled if I moved out.”

“But still--”

“Lapis.You’re not the only one who might find some nice opportunities there. Besides, who else is going to be your manager?”

“Manager? What makes you think you won’t be a groupie?” Lapis risked a smile, and melted a little at seeing Peridot eagerly return it.

“What? After all that recording I did for you?”

“Fine, you can be president of my fan club.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” Peridot poked Lapis in the ribs, still grinning. “You know I’m serious, though.”

“I know.”

“So?”

Lapis leaned over and kissed Peridot on the head, saying nothing. She didn’t need to.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Green Door Sessions Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/24EaPfe0mzQDi8mgkp48CC?si=hWUbjmyYSLSPcHqEz54A3g)
> 
> These are all songs either directly mentioned in the work, or that helped to inspire the work/its characters. This is such a music heavy story, so I figured a playlist would be a fun addition.

“Are you sure you’re all packed?”

“I’m positive.”

“Last time I checked, you literally had two shirts and five flannels.”

“Now I have three shirts and six flannels.”

“Lapis, honestly.”

The two had been busy for the last few weeks, getting ready for their upcoming move to Austin. Peridot had packed enough of everything for a small family, while Lapis had double-checked her guitar and thrown a few bottles of shampoo in a backpack.

“Dude, we’re literally only moving two hours away. If we need anything, we’ll make a day trip.”

“I know, but--”

Lapis reached out, squeezing Peridot’s hands in her own. “Relax. We’re going to be fine.”

Peridot smiled. “It’s nice to know you’re the calm one.”

“Since day one, baby.”

“Apathy doesn’t count, hon.”

Lapis drew in a sharp breath. “Oof. I’m wounded.”

Peridot giggled, squeezing Lapis’ hands back. “I’m serious, though. Is there anything you need to do before we leave?”

Lapis thought for a moment. She really was all packed. She was leaving the car with Azura and Bronagh, who had since hired another helper to replace Lapis. Most importantly, the four of them--Lapis, Azura, Bronagh, and Yvonne--had all gone to visit Roisin’s grave, the first time Yvonne and Bronagh had visited it together in nearly twenty years, and the first time Lapis and Azura had ever actually seen it. Bronagh had wept, of course, but had walked out of the cemetery that day with her head held high. Everything had been taken care of. 

As soon as she thought that, however, her mind clipped to something. “Yeah, actually. Thanks for reminding me.”

The convenience store’s door beeped, and Jasper looked up disinterestedly. When she saw her ex, she mustered a small smile. “Damn, I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth.”

“Nah, just been hella busy.”

“Yeah, I heard through the grapevine you were moving.”

“Yup, going to Austin.” Lapis perused the snack foods, grabbing a handful of her favorite.

“Honestly, I’m super proud of you. Just remember me when you’re famous and shit.”

“I’ll make sure to send you all the latest merch.”

Jasper forced a grin that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Good shit.”

Lapis picked up and set down a wrapped cupcake a few times. “Jasper, real talk for a second?”

“Yeah?” Her expression shifted to wariness.

“I just figured, since I am about to leave, I just wanted to apologize to you. I was horrible to you in high school, and I know we’ve both moved on, but it still needed to be said.”

Jasper stared down at the counter between them. “I never asked you to apologize.”

“I know.”

“Not gonna lie, that was really good to hear, though. I always thought I’d be mad if you apologized, like it’d be a pity thing. Just so you know, I’m sorry too. For all of that.”

Lapis snorted. “Honestly, you were a pretty shit girlfriend.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“But,” she added, placing her mexican twinkies on the counter, “you’ve always been a pretty decent friend.”

“Back at you. Hey, do me a favor?”

“What’s that?”

Jasper winked at Lapis as she rang up the snack cakes. “You have to let me know how the gay clubs up there are.”

“Obviously!”

The day came, and no one was prepared for it. Bronagh kept a stiff upper lip in front of her daughters, but they could see how puffy her eyes were. Azura joked about it with her sister, but she wasn’t much better, staring at Lapis when she thought she didn’t notice. 

Yvonne had managed to get ahold of a van, and would follow the intrepid artists to their new studio apartment. 

“Lapis, final check, you have everything you need?”

“Yes, Aunt Yvonne.” Lapis’ eyes nearly rolled out of her head. Seriously, did no one trust her to pack herself?

“Peridot, you’re good to go?” Yvonne looked over at the younger blonde a bit menacingly. When Peridot had finally met everyone, Bronagh and Azura had adored her immediately. Yvonne was a little slower to trust.

Peridot gave Yvonne two thumbs up, totally oblivious to any negative feelings. “Yes ma’am!” She shook Azura’s hand and was swept into an unexpected hug from Bronagh before getting into the driver’s seat. 

Lapis gave her mom and sister a massive hug, no longer surprised to realize that she was crying a little. “I’m going to miss you guys.”

“It’s a two hour drive, I’m gonna crash on your couch every weekend.” Azura laughed, but her voice was just as teary.

Bronagh sniffled a little, smiling broadly. “With your shield or on it, Lapis.”

“Whatever that means, absolutely.” Lapis gave them each one final hug and dropped into the Volkswagen next to Peridot. 

“Ready to go?” Peridot drummed the wheel nervously.

Lapis grabbed one of their CDs from between them, plugging it in. As Lapis’ vocals began to play over the stereo, she leaned over and kissed Peridot, gently but deeply.

“Ready Freddy.”


End file.
